Swim further Daniel but you'll never reach the shore.

"I have not failed 10,000 times. I have successfully found 10,000 ways that will not work." - Thomas Alva Edison

Why is it that everywhere that I go I have nothing but the best intentions and I find nothing but conflict? I'm seriously so tired of it. I don't know what it is about people that makes them feel like they can walk right in and just walk all over me. This time, it's happening within my family. MY FAMILY. Which is something that you honestly DO NOT FUCK WITH. My relationship with my father has grown exponentially during the past six months or so, honestly. But the fact of the matter is this: I cannot enjoy the relationship that I have with my dad when I feel the need to stay in my room out of the way all the time. Because I want to show respect by being as little of a nuisance as I possibly can. It seems like every time I leave my room, even if it's something like getting something to eat real quick I feel like I'm being punched in the stomach with guilt that is inflicted on me by someone who has no reason whatsoever to dislike me. Someone who whenever there's a problem I'm the one who is to blame for it. And lately since my routine of staying in my room and out of everyone's hair has apparently been discovered, especially within the past month or so the problem moves into my room as well. I have not heard ONE positive thing come from that woman's mouth that was directed at me. I stopped walking her dog because I can't even get a simple "thank you" out of her. My dad is always the one who does the thanking. I haven't mouthed off or spoken up. My responses to her are simply "Okay..." and "I'm sorry..." because I want to show her respect. I really do. Not for her sake but for my dad's sake. To tell you the God's honest truth and I could put my hand on the Bible and swear this by any religion in the world, I LOVE my father very much. I want him to be happy. Even if it means something like this for me. But it's hard you know? To just sit back and watch all of the bullshit happen behind the scenes when he's not looking. She can't even find the nerve to say half the things she does to me in front of my dad. She treats me like I'm some bloody idiot. And she makes a damn sarcastic comment about everything that comes out of my mouth and it's gotten to the point where I'd rather just not say anything to her. Really... I'm seriously done trying to be nice and remaining a neutral party. When I have the means to get the hell out of there so that life can just go on and no one is being a bitch to one another, I'm going to take it because the most frustrating thing in the entire world is when you're put in a situation like this, which I HAVE many times before and this time around I have seen NO PROOF, absolutely none that this time is any different. Other than my little sister, who I also love and adore to no end. I really do.

Last night I was infuriated by the fact that I was in my room being quiet (because I made the mistake of being loud two nights before and caught some shit for it for waking my sister up) and apparently since my lights were still on and I was playing video games (with the volume set one notch above being completely silent and keeping my voice down to a minimum) I was the reason why my sister woke up in the middle of the night. Nope. I guess it makes sense, you know... that you can hear that I'm awake when you're standing RIGHT BY MY DOOR.

Thanks a lot. Now my dad is pissed off at me. But you know what? I'm not making shit up and saying it to my dad to get him pissed off at you am I? How about some respect? Unless you feel like I don't deserve it. I TRY to give it to you. Which is why I stay the fuck out of your way but that is never enough is it? Didn't think so...

My dad told me this morning that when things like this happen, he doesn't know who to believe and that it seems like we pit him against one another. I don't see how I've pitted him against her at all because I say nothing and just take it. My dad has never really yelled at me for anything when it comes to what she says until the other day. Further than that I have no idea what she says to him but I don't say anything to him about her. When we were at the bar one night he was talking to me about her and the way that she treats me and how it's just like any other girlfriend that he's ever had. And how he has no idea why everyone he dates has so much disdain for me. I go to work, I go home and I stay in my room all night. I don't try to do anything to cause problems. I don't try to do anything to get in anyone's way. And when I do something that DOES, I feel bad for it and I try to make up for it. I apologize. I feel bad for it. Like my sister's baptism. I didn't mean to miss that by any means but I did and for a week straight I felt bad about it. I even talked to my friends about how bad I felt about it but my dad couldn't have known. Because I go in my room and I never come out because I try to avoid conflict between her and myself. I WANT things to be stable in the household so I stay out of the way but apparently it's not enough. It's never enough. Frankly the only reason why I consider her a part of my family is because of my sister. When she questions my motives and my integrity when it comes to my family, she has no place to tell me anything. I know how much value that I place on my father and my siblings. I would take a bullet without hesitation for any of them and I am VERY grateful for what they all contribute to my life despite the fact that I may or may not deserve any of it. I can't exaggerage enough for grateful I am. But me leaving the clothes on top of the dryer or my room being a mess has nothing to do with that. It has NOTHING to do with my values. Or my understanding of family love whatsoever. I WISH I WOULD HAVE WAKEN UP TO GO TO NAOMI'S BAPTISM. And it's one thing that I'm always going to remember for the rest of my life because it only happens once and I wasn't there. I feel TERRIBLE. Why anyone doesn't understand that, I have no idea. I'm not an idiot. I'm not stupid or selfish at all. I can be VIEWED as selfish sometimes because I'm not a very verbal person and showing appreciation isn't something I have been good at, but that doesn't mean it's not there. Just because I can't express something doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Think of how many human emotions that there are that are impossible to explain. I'm good at some that other people are generally not and vice versa. And this happens to be one of those things. I'M SORRY. I mean it.

She even jealously eyeballs me whenever my dad shows me exclusive attention. She looks at me like I'm some kind of animal when I eat any food. A reason why on my days off you'll see me go upstairs to eat ONE TIME all day and even then, she walks by and gives me shit for something. If I'd rather starve than come out of my room because I'm afraid she's going to say something to me, that has to say something.

List of things that I "do" late at night when everyone goes to bed that my dad's girlfriend comes down to yell at me about:
-Listening to music too loud (when I don't even have music on).
-Going upstairs to the kitchen to get food (which I've done but since stopped).
-She smells smoke coming from my room (I smoked in my room ONCE. My dad was there).
-(most recently) I was being too loud playing Halo online (actually happened one time, which I apologized for and admitted I was being unreasonable for but not again).

If I made up a list of things she says to me during the day when my dad isn't around, I'd be sitting here for ten hours typing.

I just want to say that neither of my parents have always been the best role models as far as love and marriage goes. But it's always been enough and they've shown me all the love in the world. There are other things that they have taught me and there are a lot of valuable lessons that I have learned both through their successes and failures that have made me the loving, kindhearted man that I am. I love both of my parents very much and I appreciate them so much. I just wish that I could be closer to both of them without some factor pushing me away. It makes me really, really sad. And I think about how my dad's dad died when he was even younger than I am now. I think about it all the time and how he never really had that much of a relationship with his dad before he passed away and I don't want this to happen. I don't want a reason to push my dad away at all. Because maybe I could give him that relationship that he missed out with his dad through the reverse, if that makes any sense.

Sometimes I wish that I could go back to a time when everything was perfect and just freeze time. So that everything could stay the same as it was. There was apart of a book that I really connected with where this young man goes to a museum to try to find his sister to give her a record. He notices that he used to go there all the time on field trips when he was in school and everything seemed to be perfect and preserved. Time didn't move inside of that museum. Everything was in the same place as he remembered but the only thing that was different was him. And it got me thinking "What if he stayed the same too? How different would every time he went to that museum be."

The truth is, it would get boring. When life becomes too predictable and you know what to expect then what's the use of getting up in the morning and going out into the world? There is none. I have to say that I've found that the most beautiful part about life is not knowing what is going to happen next. We may all be situated on a set timeline, this "Divine Predestination" or whatever you could call it... a stream of events that are prewoven and chosen by that which we came from (God). God's plan. The beautiful thing about being human and not having the capacity to understand fate is that we never know which way the road is going to turn. We can come to a fork i nthe road, but all along on the way there we've made our decisions on which one to take based on our experiences and our personalities.

I see so many things when I read The Catcher In the Rye that make be both similar and different than Holden Caulfield. Especially mine and the character's disdain for phonies. The tough part about having said disdain is the fact that being raised in the family that I was, I have a penchant for sniffing out people's bullshit and calling their bluff. So I know immediately when someone is bullshitting me. The DIFFERENCE between Mr. Caulfield and myself is that I try to see the best in people which is my ultimate downfall at times. But it's an admirable trait to have so i'm told. Sometimes (most of the time) I try to see the good in people where there is none and I end up getting backstabbed, used, belittled and sometimes utterly destroyed.

Fact: Hindsight is ALWAYS 20/20.
Fact: I never see it coming until its too late.

As far as people go I have to say that some of the best and most loyal friends that I have ever had are in the place where I had least expected to find them and as they say "Time will tell" these people have always been there for me to talk to when I'm going through anything, whether it be emotional or otherwise. Most of them, a grand majority of them, live in Des Moines or Pella, Iowa. Namely Chansellor Tyler Hall. Sometimes I can't log in to Facebook or Myspace without getting a comment or something from someone saying that they miss me and they ask me when I'm going to visit and my answer is always:

"I don't know. I don't have the money or the time off to do it anymore."

It used to be:

"I don't want to come there and risk seeing my ex because she'll just fuck with my emotions again."

One of the people that I learned in retrospect was a truly terrible, selfish person is my ex girlfriend Stephanie. 20/20 smack in the face. More like a cold shower wake-up call. NONE of us saw that coming. But in the end, when nothing mattered anymore and the bullshit was revealed, that's when all of the bad people were relieved of their guises. It always is, isn't it? I still feel like I knew all along, but I denied it. Eventually I made a mistake that I don't regret for the experiences. I just wish my heart wasn't involved in it as well.

She was just a glitch.

No matter though anymore. I'm so ambiguous when it comes to my whole romance thing anymore. I doubt my parents even know that I'm talking to someone right now. But I like her a lot and I hope she comes up to see me again soonishly. She's been on a cruise and I haven't known what to do without her because I'm so used to being in some sort of contact with her throughout the day.

This concludes my thing. If you have any questions/comments/concerns please reference me in the links I've provided in my About Me section on the right hand module of this blog. Of course you could just comment the blog itself but WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT ANYMORE? No one.

For lack of a better way of saying...

When I was much younger I remember that I hated to read because it always took away from my television programs. But my parents always told me that it was essential so my mom would sometimes have me sit in a room and read. Then I got to about second grade and I figured out that I could get Book-Its which meant free pizza for every book that I read. So I scrambled to read as many books as I could. I've read so many books, from Redwall and Lord of the Rings to Star Wars EU books. Around that time I started reading comic books too, mainly due to my older cousin Jeff influencing me. So basically, my path down Literature Lane, so to speak, is because of free pizza.

Now that I'm older, though, I have a greater appreciation for literature and the depth of it. Whenever I go into a library I see it as shelf after shelf of creative minds. For every single book on the shelves, there's an imagination to go along with it. You have to appreciate something that big. Bookstores and libraries BREATHE creativity. It's a good place to be. Especially if you're a writer and you know how deep that imagination runs firsthand.

I was thinking back to my creative influences and what had initially made me take off and want to pursue art as not only a hobby but a means of expression and a way of life. I could make a list like this:

Music: Billy Joel, John Lennon, Paul Simon, Brandon Boyd, Andrew McMahon, etc.
Writing: J.D. Salinger, Kurt Vonnegut, Jack Kerouac, Charles Bukowski, etc.

...and so on and so forth. I believe that everyone has an influence from something. The band Brand New has an album called "Deja Entendu" which is Latin for "already heard." And it's an homage to their influences, I think. Not everyone is influenced directly from the same medium, either. I've been known to draw inspiration from films, paintings and things like that when I make music and write. It's actually extremely healthy to keep your mind rounded out in that sort of way because it enables you to process and interpret the world around you much better.

Lately, I've picked up Elliott Smith and Incubus as far as music that I've been listening to. Elliott Smith is in my opinion one of the greatest songwriters of this generation and Incubus is just a band that is full of completely talented people to the point where it's absolutely mindblowing.

And I've actually just been listening to music like that for the past few weeks or so. A lot of obscure indie bands that were never picked or appreciated by anyone because they make music for the fact that they love it, not because they're willing to crank out a bunch of hits so that some greedy record label can rip them off and make more money off of them than they earn. Most of these artists started out with nothing and played DIY shows. One band used to set up shows without a PA and the vocalist sang through a practice bass amp. They worked hard to make the music that they did because it's their art. When a painter paints a picture, and he loves it he shows it to the world by any means necessary that he can. A seventeen year old boy in the middle of Nebraska with nothing but a guitar on his back writes songs and plays them for the same uninterested 12 people at a bar on a nightly basis because he feels the same way.

My poetry lately has been lax. I posted 3 new poems on Photographic Memory Loss that were a few of about twenty that I felt were adequate enough to post. So read them. Please?

Lately my heart has been smiling. There's an amazing girl behind that.

This is all that I have to update with. So... keep reading I guess? If you even do on a regular basis to begin with.

I'm sorry.

Let me tell y'all something about long distance relationships...

I'm not in one. Officially. Though I might as well be in one. In any case, it's extremely difficult. It takes more effort and commitment to maintain that bridge of communication than anything. At times, you feel like you're pushing it too hard and you might come across as clingy when you're not. You're just trying to maintain and keep up with everything, especially since you can't share in the time that you're apart. It sucks. But when you have someone who is worth that effort, it's no big deal.

I do. Not officially. But you get the point.

She was here. She was within a fucking mile of me and because of a massive communication failure I broke myself for nothing. I don't even care how I feel physically... completely worn down and beaten in. I just feel defeated. Because the person that care about more than anyone in the world at this point was within walking distance of me but without knowledge and direction, I failed. I walked away with this feeling deep within my soul that was telling me that she would be disappointed if she knew that I was walking away from her. That I was just going to go home and lay in my bed with the windows close, the blinds shut and completely buried in blankets and drenched with sadness that I couldn't see her face.

This is all I can think about. It's all that I can even dream of.

I'm sorry.

The forest is infested with SHARPTEETH!

Salute!

As you can see I've redone my layout. Tell me what you think! I'll be doing the layout to Photographic Memory Loss as well when I get some free time.

After doing some deep thinking and soul-searching, I've come to the conclusion that all of the problems that I've had in life as of late are the indirect consequences of the past choices that I made. They weren't always the best ones but at the time they made more sense. Now I'm like, "Fuck... I wish I would have done things differently."

For instance, there are people from my past that I really thought the world of but when it really boils down to it, they really weren't who I thought they were. I'm developing a case of social anxiety because of the fact that I cannot leave my house and meet people and have something nice to say about them. Because of my past, I tend to overlook people's better qualities and go straight to making a mental list as to why I don't think they're worth my time.

If people were a little more genuine then maybe I wouldn't. Unfortunately, everyone sucks. So if you run into me at the supermarket and I'm standing in a grocery line waiting to buy a case of bottled water and a packet of peanut M&M's, forgive my cold demeanor. If you can make me laugh though, I might put you in the running for friendship.

I'm quitting smoking slowly but surely. I'm tired of having motherfucking headaches. I also would like to ween myself off of my coffee/caffeine addiction. It's sad that I can't even function without starting my day by drinking a ton of coffee.

One thing that I miss very much is sitting around with a glass of wine, preferably around or close to a record turntable, listening to LP's. I love analog sound formats so much more than the modern digital ones because in order to listen to this music you need to sit down and take the time to appreciate it. It's a beautiful thing. I miss going to record stores and digging through the shelves to find the most obscure and artistic thing that I could find and going to the record players in-shop and putting on those HUGE headphones and figuring out what I want to buy. Those days were pure gold. I got back into it with my friend Kevin in Des Moines for a bit but it was only to a certain extent.

It's funny how I'll sit on my computer all night with nothing to do (other than communication my prospective counterpart and possible soulmate) and I'll just dig through forums and reviews to find new music to listen to. It's never generally what you'd expect out of me either. I'm not COMPLETELY a metal head. I just appreciate some metal due to the complexity of the musical composition. When I listen to a lot of it I think of classical music... but with lots of distortion and dinosaurs. The more beautiful that an album by an artist is, the more into it I am. And I can't just listen to one song from an artist, the entire album as a whole has to speak to me fr me to like it. I can't stand when bands have one or two good songs and that's the basis for the entire thing. Filler is nonsense. You should put your heart into everything that you create, big or small. Otherwise what's the point in making it?

I can't stand mainstream music. It's just like listening to the same thing over and over again.

Lately I've been motivated to push my other, less obvious artistic talents. I want to get back into painting and drawing. It's just something I never pursued that I wish that I had. If I can pick up a good-paying job, I want to put everything together as some incredibly big effort. To do that I need a variety and assortment of instruments, a ton of paper to write on, a new hard drive to put my billions of ideas into and a means to publish and produce it. I'm pretty good at promoting my stuff when I can, it's just... I don't have anything to promote as of late.

I wish I still had my old sketchbooks. I had some good stuff in there.

I think it's funny when I see commercials for prescription drugs that say that you might experience suicidal thoughts as a side-effect of taking their product. It's always a nice way of saying "You're probably going to want to kill yourself because of this. Let's hope you're one of the lucky ones!" Classic!

Right now I can't think of anything else. I might update again if I can think of something.

I also have a new prose post on my writing page:
Click here to go read it.


EDIT:

I decided to make a list of things that I need.

-Acoustic guitar.
-Three microphones and cables.
-Headphones. I'm not talking about earbuds here either.
-A turntable. For playing records, not making "remixes."
-Some records to listen to on said record player. Just tell me what you have.
-Keyboard/Synth
-Hollowbodied guitar.
-Easel.
-T-shirts. Youth large or even smalls will do.
-Jeans. 00 if you have them but I can wear a belt if you have 2's.
-Plugs. Preferably wooden or bone ones.
-Paint supplies.
-Pens and pencils.
-Charcoal pencils or whatever.
-Hair Straightener.
-A new job.
-A social life.
-External hard drive to put myriads of ideas onto.
-A box of sticky notes.

If you can donate any of these things to me, it would be much appreciated.

Just words.

I know I don't write in this thing often and I know that a lot of the people who generally used to read this have dropped off the face of the earth so to speak, and I apologize. It's just that time is never an abundant thing for me and I really haven't had much to write about because I've basically been living the same day on repeat.

Not that my life is so boring that its absurd. I'm just... ridiculously without any news to bring to the table.

I wish that I read books as often as I used to. I need to get a hold of some money. Unfortunately getting a hold of something like that even for a purpose as noble as buying a gigantic stack of books that I don't even know if I like yet is very difficult. I'm going to be searching for a new occupation here soon to nullify that lack of monetary possession that plagues my life.

But I've been doing a lot of reflection lately in whatever spare time I have on knowledge that I had gained in the past but never put to good use and it's generally sparked by something incredibly simple. You know you might be a genius when you sit there at a desk and roll a pencil between your fingers and as you're watching it you think of something profound in and of that. Today it flowers and gardens for the most part and dripping rain from an overhang. Tomorrow, who knows what it'll be?

Sometimes inspiration comes from the smallest things but we're either too occupied in searching for that inspiration that we desperately need or we don't know how to express it. I suppose those are two of the most painful things about being an artist. In being a human being even, because if you have an idea and you can't express it, what good is it? Along with that, if you have no ideas but you're digging for truth or an answer to questions so that you might provide yourself with that idea, you tend to let the world pass you by. Every time that you blink, a second goes by.

Someday one of my greatest ambitions is to compile a bunch of things that I've created from certain points in my life that I view as crucial points and put them into a book. I don't want to blatantly tell the world a life story or have some sort of autobiographical seminar in writing or pictures. I just figure that these are human emotions and experiences and I want someone to pick them up and say to themselves "Wow... I totally understand this perspective." So that they don't feel as alone as they were or were.

Lately I've noticed that my friends have been dropping like flies. A good majority of the people who mean a lot to me seem to have moved along in their lives and I'm still stuck in a rut in a town that I despise. I don't know if it's more myself I have to blame or the effects of this city on my psyche. But every day I seem to feel a little bit more alone. I wish I hadn't made so many bad decisions in the past. My heart wasn't always right when I chose to follow it and I was foolish enough to believe that love conquers all and that I'd be able to do anything I wanted as long as time was on my side. Boy was I wrong?

Love has failed me in more ways than anything else has. I've had a fear of putting my heart into the hands of others simply because of this demographic. It's been a long time since I could fully and comfortably say that I was IN LOVE with someone. I've even begun to doubt the existence of such a thing. But...

I haven't given up on everyone. I've met someone who I adore and honestly, she is completely different from everyone else. At least I'd like to believe that. But to my knowledge, I've never met anyone who was worth my time like she has been. I only hope there's not an expiration date for feeling this way. Not for me, but for her. It's difficult to tell but all I can do is trust her and hope for the best.

I looked at a painting for a while today that depending on how you hold it, it's a story told from a different point of view. You look at it, you rotate. Look at it some more and rotate. It was fascinating but once I did a full rotation I felt like I had seen all there was to see. Trying to make something of an idea that can be twisted. But it didn't hold my attention anymore so I moved along. I feel as though I should have seen and felt more even after. But I didn't and I realize now that this is what art is anymore. This is what writing is. This is what music is. You try to make it look complex, but it's a simple story. You use big words that people need to find in a dictionary to understand so that people are impressed because you have an extensive vocabulary. But none of it makes sense and nothing is really all that beautiful about it.

I want to be straightforward with my art. I don't want someone to have to turn it and examine it to understand it. I want it to hit people so hard that it knocks them off their feet. And when they go back to read it, sure... they might know what to expect but I want it to never lose that movement.

That's all that's on my mind for tonight.

truuuulalula!

A lot of people out there go out into the world without a clue of what they want to do or what they should be doing with themselves. Some of them are my age, older, younger. It seems like everyone. No one has direction these days and while we're growing up our parents tell us to get an early start and plan ahead or whatever.

There's something that I've experienced in my life that I affectionately call "Fucking up my life." It's mistakes that I've made. Some of them affected me positively and some of them affected me negatively. When I graduated from high school I had no idea what I wanted to be. I knew what I was good at but I always had this question: "Should I pursue it?" The answer now in retrospect was YES! I should have. Why?

Because I wasted so much time going out into the world trying to find purpose and meaning. I searched in nooks and crannies, in the hearts of girls who I would eventually part ways with trying to find a purpose, but I failed. I returned right back to square one with an empty suitcase. I don't regret it but the most important lesson that I learned is that you can't go out searching for happiness or meaning. It's right under your nose and you just have to dig it up really.

And other people cant define you. It doesn't matter if you love someone and it doesn't matter how much you love them. When someone else becomes the keystone to everything in your life what happens when that stone is removed? Everything you build around that person crashes to the ground. This is what happened to me. I DON'T regret it. I just know that I made a mistake in doing so and it cost me a lot. It affected me so negatively as a person that I lost hope and with a hole in my heart that size, there was nothing I could put in it to replace that feeling that I used to have.

We always told one another that no matter what we would always be together and it was like... so believable but at that point I had no idea. I barely knew who I was and even though I loved with all I could, it's just not what was in the works for me.

And I realize it especially now. Recently. Someone has walked into my life and has effortlessly changed me for the better. I realize that as far as loving someone goes it's not who loves you more or less, but it's always who loves you best. And I honestly believe that life has handed me a chance to not replace my former love from the past but to build something new and better. I don't want to jump to conclusions but I've found something in someone that is worth trying for. Because she doesn't seem like the "take everything and give nothing back" kind of person but she's sweet and she has as big of a heart as I do.

Nothing good comes easy though. But I'm more than willing.

But the basis of my life isn't going to be on a relationship. Sure, every relationship needs work but there are so many things to living that are important. I see it as more of a COLLABORATION than an outright compromise. Which is good.

I haven't smiled as much as I have in the past month or so as I have in over a year. It says a lot to me.

I want to push my writing. I can't go to school for it now. I'm even considering going to school within the state whenever I can rather than Chicago so I'm not paying a billion dollars for tuition and fees and housing. But for now I just have to keep doing it and get better at it. I set these personal goals from myself. Some I attain and some I don't. The ones that I don't are where I need to improve. Once I get those down I'm sure I'll be good.

Katie is giving me her acoustic so I'll FINALLY be able to start making music again which is substantial. But I haven't been able to do it in a while and it actually feels like one of my limbs is missing. FUCK stupid sluts who fuck innocent people over without reason and then never give you your clothes, guitar and all of your other shit when you call them and try to recover it. One of the fucking reasons why I hate Pittsburgh so much: the retarded people who live there.

Not all of them are retarded. But a good 99% are.

I'm ending this blog. Because I need to eat my quesadilla and I need to pee because I drank too much water (which, the water in my office tastes like blood for some reason). Bye bye...

-DRJ


PS: Nate's video STILL hasn't been dug out by youtube admin.

My defective alarm clock.

This is between you and I because we need to keep this on the down-low. If my alarm clock heard me talking about it in a despicable manner than he would likely castrate me in my sleep. I am reliant on a piece of shit to wake me up in a punctual manner in the morning, a task which it seems to fail me on every time.

I roll out of bed running for the bathroom to take a shower. There is no "I'm up early! I'm going to go outside and sit on the deck with a nice cup of coffee and a morning cigarette while I check out the newspaper with the radio on." No. It's more like this:

*YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWN"

"What time is it?" *Checks clock* "MOOOOOTHERFUCKER!"

It's been a while since I've woken up to that "BEEP BEEP BEEP" noise on repeat. Most people hate that sound but I rejoice whenever I hear it in the morning. I can't even move myself to hitting the snooze button. I'm like "WOW IT WORKED!" This occurs once every two months.

Because Tito... yes, that is the name of my scum-fuck alarm clock is all like:

"YO DANIELLLLL JOO NEED TO SET ME BEFORE JOO GO TO SLEEEPYBYE!" And I'm like "Alright, you're Mexican. Taco Bell is Mexican, Corona is Mexican, Tequila is Mexican and Chihuahuas are Mexican. I can trust you." But no. FUCK THAT. This is one of those bad Mexican dudes with the creepy curly mustache and a thirst for blood.

So I'm tormented with the idea that if I set it, MAYBE it'll wake me up in the morning. Again, this is rare but I try really hard. I inspect it from top to bottom before I set it back down on my end table to make sure everything is in right and working order. I've even changed the batteries. But nothing works.

I'm fighting a war against my stupid fucking alarm clock and I am losing.

UNICORNSSS!

I'm not convinced that unicorns don't exist. Well, they might be extinct, but I don't think that they never existed. Why? Because of their magical horns. In order to fully utilize the magical horn, you needed to grind it up into dust. That's why there are so many fossils of dead horses and not unicorns. Who wouldn't want to have magical unicorn horn dust? You'd be out of your mind to not want that!

I talk to Katie all day every day now and I think it's whats keeping me sane anymore because I'm sort of in a slump and a bad position because I want to get out on my own. I NEED to get out on my own but right now it's not a possibility because I don't have the money or a stable enough job to support myself. I feel like the longer I stay with my parents (or my dad and his girlfriend), the more and more I get in the way of things. So I try to avoid them because I feel guilty. But then I get shit for it.

Oh yeah... Pegasus is dead. Yeah. Believe it. There was only one and no, you can't have one. I wish I could though. You have no idea how much pussy a winged horse could get you! That's so fucking elegant!

The playlist consists of music that I listened to when I was in high school. Even earlier than that actually. I miss when Hydra Head and Drive-Thru actually had good bands on their rosters. I don't miss Victory records at all. They can go fuck themselves. But Hydra Head, Equal Vision, and Drive Thru... pretty much ruled my fucking life. Tooth and Nail too. And THEY even suck now. But they have Solid State which is pretty legit. FUCK RISE RECORDS. Ugh...

I was looking up what it would take to build a real gundam. And I was surprised to find that all of the technology that would be required to do it actually exists. Maybe not the "Phase Shift" armor from SEED, but all the other practical stuff. I don't think that they would ever build a nuclear-powered exoskeleton though. They'd have to build something with a battery that can hold a ton of power. I'd also think that they would make them smaller too due to them being easier to manuever and everything. Plus the propulsion system would be ungodly.

Anyways... I'm going back to bed. So I can dream of unicorns.

It tastes like regular Dr. Pepper!

Have any of you felt like you met someone who you 100% were supposed to be with but you couldn't? It sucks. To make things worse, they make cameos in your dreams too. Not that it would make it a bad dream, it's just a reminder that you can't be with them when you're sleeping as well as when you're awake.

I had a dream about someone with blonde hair and brown eyes. The sky was on fire and she was wearing a white dress, but it was a really dirty one and it was all torn up. I realized that the world was divided by glass, and while on my side of the glass it started raining, on hers the sky was on fire. I could see her mouth moving, yelling something to me but I couldn't hear her words. So I went and I tried to find something to break that glass so I could rescue her and bring her over, but nothing could. So we just stood there for a while, with our hands pressed against the glass as if they were touching and I was looking down at the ground in disappointment. But when I looked up, she was looking at me in adoration. I started getting cold from the rain and she stepped back and motioned for me to follow her. But I just stood there in defeat and said that I couldn't. But she shook her head and kept telling to come over. I just stood there, looking at her. I turned my back to the glass for a second and when I turned back around, she was gone.

When I woke up, I was so sad.


Anyways, that aside I haven't been doing much. Just preparing to go to a school that in the end I didn't have enough money to go to. How embarrassing?! So what am I going to do? Stay in Erie for about a year maybe and get a car and build a little credit and then try again to get a loan? Probably. I mean... my sister got a car and it built her credit up to like a 730 score which is good. It's not fucking incredible but it's good.

Cave In, one of my all time favorite bands, is back together and releasing (has released???) a record. I don't know for sure if it's out yet or not because no one on p2p or torrent sites seems to want to share their music so I'll get on every torrent site and search for "Cave In" and I'll get incomplete discography torrents. Then I get on Soulseek and try to find the songs to fill the gaps and whatever's missing and I'll sit with a query for about 5 days waiting to get something in (shitty) 128kbps. It's not fair. More people need to know about this band AND SHARE THAT FUCKING KNOWLEDGE! Jesus... no wonder no one knows about them. They're not on iTunes, Zune OR file sharing sites/software. The only way that you can hear about them is by seeing them live, and you cant even get stuff that they recorded 10 years ago through that means. FUCKKKKKKKKK!

Now Botch needs to get back together and do a co-headlining tour with Cave In and Converge. Coalesce will be there too... with their Led Zeppelin covers.

I'm so fucking thirsty that it's fucking unbearable! UGGGGGGH!

Recommended anime:
Ghost In The Shell: Stand Alone Complex
Mobile Suit Gundam 00
Mobile Suit Gundam SEED -> Mobile Suit Gundam SEED Destiny
Code Geass
S-Cry-Ed

Fucking smile.

Every day I find myself more and more frustrated. Like I'm building it up to this high-powered awesome breakdown that I'm inevitably going to reach. And it's for no reason. I feel like as time keeps passing, I'm more and more bitter about everything. I can't even fucking be specific. It seems like everything pisses me off anymore and I can't find the time or reason to be optimistic about anything. NOTHING. What the hell?!

Well, aside from my escape plan from this accursed city that I call home right now. Fuck this place though. Just... fuck it.

For a while I was working really hard on my novel. And as I was writing it I really really liked it but when I went and read it back in its entirety, I was bored. Granted, I haven't gone back and redone it yet which is what my MO was in the beginning: to write a rough draft and then go back and insert the curveballs or whatever. Maybe when I do that, it'll be much more interesting? I'm not sure. But then again I AM the person writing it and I do know the meaning behind every little hidden thing so maybe I shouldn't sweat it too much?

I've already drank WAY too much fucking coffee for today. AHHHHHH!

Seven months I think... no sex. In a way I'm like "wow this is awesome!" and in another I'm like "fuck... I really want it." I hate being a human being. I guess if I had one goal it would be to transcend being human and have no vices or urges or instincts and just be some all powerful fucking awesome person. Hahaha... I need to ask Jim Morrison in a desert with his naked indian.

CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT! My favorite swear word. Also, the accurate descriptive word for 98% of the female population in the world. :P

I want to paint a picture. Of a naked man eating an apple but getting a spear thrown through his head and a gundam bin the background laughing at him. But penises are ugly. So I would make this man asexual. Take that fucker's pride right away from him.

I STILL believe in Harvey Dent.


I'll see you in Hell motherfucker.

His name was Bishop.

Well, I've been accepted to attend Columbia College Chicago. Somehow I kind of knew that I would be. So I'm not all that surprised. I AM, however, very excited about the fact.Yay!

Not a whole lot has been happening, hence the lack of updating on this thing. I've just been chilling and eating lots of ice cream to keep cool in the summer weather and it hasn't really been as hot as it's going to be. It's not July yet. Hahaha... when it comes around, I'll be upping my ice cream intake by 50%.

I've also been watching a lot of anime series' lately, most notably the Gundam series, all of which I have on my computer. I just finished 100 episodes of Gundam SEED and its sequel series Gundam SEED Destiny. It's pretty fucking amazing and Shinn Asuka, Athrun Zala and most notably Kira Yamato are fucking BEEEEEEEAST in that series. Holy fucking shit...

Now I'm watching Mobile Suit Gundam 00, which is the most recent installment of the Gundam franchise (so recent that it hasn't even come out on DVD and the Second Season hasn't been released in a dubbed version). And I like it a lot. I actually can't wait to finish it and then watch the second season on the Sci-Fi channel when it comes on June 29th. Channel 244 for those who have Direct TV like me and there will be two episodes every Monday until it totals to 25 episodes.

I also plan on watching Mobile Suit Gundam Wing in its entirety as well sometime in the not-so-distant future. :)

Been writing my novel. Incorporating some influence from mechanime. But the entire concept isn't going to be focused on mech-combat like most of the series' that I'm taking that influence from. The take I'm going to have is just to incorporate mecha called Runners in as weapons of war. They're going to be more akin to Armored Cores and Muscle Tracers in that they come in various base-models from weapons manufacturers but are fully integratable and have interchangeable parts that aren't exclusive to the specific manufacturer's models. Weapons can also be independently made and customized an calibrated as well.

I've been putting too much thought into this. I have a very good story to go along with it though and it's very dark. The way that I'm writing it is as if the scenes were an adaptation of a graphic novel and several of my favorite artists are doing it.

I would prefer it was a graphic novel but you can't win them all.

Anyways, I need to do something other than writing in this. Take care. See ya soon!

123 BREAK!

Salute!

I haven't written in this in a while. I've posted a poem in my other blog, Photographic Memory Loss. I did that the other day I believe. If none of you know about that other blog then go read it because that's where I post poetry and prose and just artistic writing in general.

Lately I've fallen out of my slump which is good. I realize that when I free myself from all things and push myself forward, then I'm much better off. It's hard to move on from the past and it's hard to not fall back into old habits. I guess it's just sort of a learning experience.

Two movies have really caught my attention lately: No Country For Old Men which is a remarkable sort of western movie about a drug deal gone bad and an assassin that chases a guy with a suitcase full of money to kill him. And There Will Be Blood, a movie about an oil tycoon from the early 1900's. I would advise you all to watch these movies because in my opinion they are incredible.

I downloaded all of the episodes for the Spider-Man The Animated Series cartoon that was on in the mid-nineties. It's funny how dated that cartoon was and I never really realized it at the time. I watch it and I laugh hysterically. Particularly when Peter Parker gets the black suit and he's using it to turn into any type of clothing he wants:

"How about Aerosmith?" *guitar squeals* "No, I'm thinking something more Italian."

I got two letters of recommendation for college: one from my boss and another from my dad's best friend. All I need to do is shove those into a large envelope and put them in the mail. The rest is a waiting game. Because I already did my application, my essay, and my FAFSA. They need to send me a financial aid packet in the mail I guess, but I won't be expecting that until early next week.

I got a letter in the mail from my first real girlfriend ever. I'm glad we stayed in touch. She really is a good person with a heart of gold. I can see why I fell in love with her so long ago. She's a good friend too though. It made me smile to read a letter from her. It reminded me of old times really.

I need to quit smoking.

I also need to lintroll my pants. There's Bear fur all over them from this morning (Bear is my German Shepherd if you didn't know and he's a sweetiepie).

Oh hell...

I need to update this more. I feel bad though because I have nothing to update it with and it's sad because I'm constantly reminded about how nothing is ever going on in my life anymore and I doubt that anyone cares anymore. Not a whole lot goes my way. It sucks but whatever. I've decided to take a huge step to change my life and turn it around.

So I'm applying to go to college in Chicago. Which is far from anywhere that I have any sort of ties. I have friends in Chicago and I used to have family there but I have never personally lived there before. But it's one of the top places where I would want to live out of anywhere else really. And I think that while I'm going to school there it'd be a good place to help me find myself a little more and refine what I know.

I watched No Country For Old Men last night. I'm still pumped from it. One of my new favorite movies. I'm surprised I didn't watch that movie long before last night because I'm a big fan of pretty much anything that the Coen Brothers do.

Other than those two things, nothing is new. I'm still in the same fucking miserable boat that I've been in for how long? It's not fun but I'll get out of it.

Astronauts.

I really wish I had some news to update this with.

Unfortunately it's all the same.

My life is so goddamn boring. I need to get out of here before I go crazy.

I'm going to be applying to go to college in Chicago. Hopefully I'll get in and I'll be able to be somewhere that I actually ENJOY being rather than in a miserable pit of dispair in Pennsylvania.

LOVE IT!

Not really.

Fuck.

Broken television set.

Simply put, I haven't posted anything in here for a while because nothing has been going on with me. Really. Just the same old eat, sleep, work, repeat bullshit routine. I don't know how to sugarcoat that any more than I already have in the past. It's pretty ridiculous but what can you do?

Returning, though, as of late has been my love for RPG games, more specifically the Final Fantasy series and even more specifically the Compilation of Final Fantasy VII. The way that this came about was I was playing Dirge of Cerberus - Final Fantasy VII and I went back to Crisis Core - Final Fantasy VII and I was just hooked and reeled back into the fascinating story behind this (which has influenced some aspects of my own writing now as I'm incorporating some of the aspects of it into my novel). Zack Fair is a true hero. The thing is in the original game, you don't know much about him so you're not as close to him. You can hardly understand what is going on really because the game is so vague with its background story. But when you play through Crisis Core and see how much of a hero the "restless puppy" is, it really gets to you when you see him die at the hands of Shinra. I almost want to cry just thinking about the scene where Zack is staring up at the sky, dying and how he passes his legacy on to Cloud who is to "Live his life for the both of them."

Speaking of which, I've been thinking about how the love triangle between Cloud, Tifa and Aerith works (prepare to be dweebed out). This is just a theory but I believe that Tifa is Cloud's sweetheart the entire time but they're both too stubborn to admit to it. Cloud is somewhat of a loner leading him to pushing people that he cares about away and keeping them at a safe distance so that he doesn't end up disappointing them. He lacks the self-confidence to tell Tifa how he feels about her. His emotional attachment to Aerith is based on expectations set upon him by his best friend Zack, her previous boyfriend... he's supposed to live his life for the both of them and take care of Aerith, which he fails to do as she's impaled by Sephiroth. Also, due to the experimentation on them Cloud somehow gains some of Zack's memories (I don't care what you say, Drake. If Cloud was simply taking up Zack's legacy this doesn't explain his identity crisis). Cloud gets some mental aspects from Zack but Zack doesn't show any of the same symptoms due to his body rejecting the S Cell treatment and his tolerance to mako exposure (which left Cloud's mind in a broken state). More or less, I think that his guilt for her death was because he couldn't live up to that expectation of his best friend which is why he shows up in flashbacks of her. This is just what I think.

Several new albums have come out from bands that I typically like. Some of them are good (Burden of a Day, Oceana, This Providence) and some of them aren't so much (the Devil Wears Prada). But I love sticking to the good old guns and I've been listening to Saves The Day, Hidden In Plain View and Jimmy Eat World a lot lately (along with the usual metalcore bands that I listened to in high school).

The two most worthless bands of all time: Motionless in White and brokeNCYDE.

Anyways... back to work. I'm sure SOMETHING will happen.

LOVELESS: Act 1

VERY big news...

I've done a rewrite of the basis of my novel, that provides a back story for everything that is going on in the world at the time of its events. It is a major change that has less holes and questionable things. The reason why I did this was because after doing a read through of what I wanted to happen and the history behind what happens, there were too many unknowns and I feel like the reader should be immersed in a world where everything is completely different. It can also be tied directly to modern history as well though it takes place in the future. I've expanded the weapons to being more than just ranged weapons and it now includes melee weapons.

My influences have largely been from anime and science-fiction films like Blade Runner. And the main character's struggles toward the beginning are less like flashbacks and more like overlapping existences that were shown in movies like the Matrix and Vanilla Sky. You'll learn a lot about the main character in the beginning of the novel because the more that someone knows and understands about a character, the larger the possibilities of throwing the reader curveballs are.

On another note, my laptop runs like shit. I need to get some new anti-virus software for it. I also need to go through the thing and delete a whole bunch of shit that I don't use. I'm thinking about getting a copy of Avast and removing AVG because I've read better reviews about it from customers. My computer came with AVG for some reason. I don't get it. Spybot S&D lets so much shit slip through though and will not suffice. AVG doesn't even really seem to fucking go a goddamn thing anyways.

I've recently decided to sever my ties with anyone in my past who has influenced me for the worst. Not only that, but I've also given up on people who aren't worth my time. I always try to see the best in people but the fact of the matter is no matter how badly you want someone who isn't a good person to be a good person, you can't make them into that. It's impossible. Especially the most stubborn of people, too. I'm moving on along to people who are deserving of me and my time and I'm happy with that. Perfectly fine with it.

(I'd put my heart in a box and mail it to you if I wasn't too broke to pay the postage.)

I have revisted my obsession with Final Fantasy VII lately. Take a look at this and you'll see why:


Is that not one of the most incredible things you have ever seen or what?! Sephiroth makes that shit look so easy! He's so the fucking man!

List of things that I NEED:
-Playstation 3 ($400)
-Playstation Portable ($200)
-Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII ($30)
-Final Fantasy VII (???)
-Dirge of Cerberus: Final Fantasy VII ($30)
-Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children Complete
-External hard drive ($150)

I write "you're beautiful" on the backs of my business cards.

New post! Oh my god it's been like a few days. I've been slacking. Usually there are like fifteen posts per week but I'm so busy fucking working that there just is no time! I'm sorry for all of you who are faithful to my writing. It surely needs to stop. I kind of have no excuse because I was off yesterday but I just laid in my bed all day long yesterday and I didn't do much except for going upstairs to get an achievement by eating a couple sandwiches. Sometimes you just need those days where you're just like, "Blah I need to fucking rest!" This was the case with me.

Aside from over-dramatics that are happening with former loves in my life, I suppose nothing really is going on. Currently I have someone in my life who has a tendency to utterly take my breath away but for the moment we've reached a stalemate where things can't go any further than they have despite our growing emotions. Things need to happen and they WILL happen. We just have to give it some time I guess. Nothing good ever comes easy and I've got my regrets about holding back in the past but I feel free now. I feel like I'm cutting that rope that is tied to the dock and I'm ready to just float with the current.

I've been reading a lot of articles lately about the existence of God. I've come to the conclusion that no one in the world has the capability to perceive and therefore prove (or disprove) the existence of God. Not even if you took every single one of our minds and put them together. So basing your idea that God does or doesn't exist based on scientific knowledge is absurd. Basing the idea that God exists based on religious views is also absurd. But I do believe that there is a part of us, written by design, that is based on God. It's higher than our own consciousness and it's something that we as human beings cannot understand. I think of God metaphorically as this all-powerful (by our standards but not by his own) artist and architect and when you think about it (if you're an artist you know this) an artist's masterpieces are almost always a reflection of themselves. If your art could think for itself, you wouldn't have to make it because it would just make itself and overthrow your idea which is what we're incapable of. If we could perceive the being that created up, we'd be breaking a fourth wall. It's beyond all concept, beyond all faith and certainly beyond all reason. But that's not to say that the morals written in religious works aren't fairly accurate. But these are common sense. This is right and wrong as it's been conceived since the beginning of time. It doesn't take a fool to know that, which is why it's so universally accepted.

You can take a photo. But a photo cannot take you.

I downloaded Pokemon: The First Movie just for the fact that I wanted to watch something where Mewtwo is an asshole to everyone. It doesn't matter though because he was treated like shit too when he was born so he had a right to, you know? He just doesn't take any goddamn shit from anyone and I really admire that! Mewtwo really, even still I think, is the strongest Pokemon. If I can recall, he can learn any moves just like Mew and his elemental (psychic) stats are through the fucking roof. It isn't really evil, it's just misunderstood and it misunderstands the human population. I think that he is probably the most psychologically deep character in the Pokemon universe. Everything else is either cute as fuck of brutal.

I need cigarettes (smoke them I mean) and I need to drink about a gallon more of coffee before lunch so I have enough energy that I won't crash in the day eventually. I'm probably going to Country Fair to get a sandwich for lunch today and I'll probably see Hannah Brown's sister there because from what I have seen she works there a lot.

I'm going to write more later for sure because I have stuff to talk about. I just need to take a break from typing for a hot minute.

Sabretooth.

Some of you fuckers who have seen the X-Men Origins: Wolverine movie that I've talked to have set up this argument with a discrepancy that I want to address:

Sabretooth is in the first X-Men movie, yes. But why doesn't he recognize Wolverine as his brother in that movie? He still has his memory in tact as opposed to Wolverine, who gets shot in the fucking head with adamantium bullets. So what's the deal? The explanation for this is simple. The Sabretooth in X-Men was not Sabretooth at all.

Marvel has a tendency to "make up" characters in the movies to add as filler for storylines (New Goblin) or because they're added to appease fans (Colossus). Both were the case in the first X-Men. So the Sabretooth in X-Men was only added as a muscle man for Magneto and is not the canon Sabretooth, clearly. Especially because Sabretooth has never claimed affiliation with Magneto or his Brotherhood of Evil Mutants in the comics. So the Sabretooth in the Origins movie is the real Sabretooth, not that other fucking joke that was in the first X-Men movie.



That aside, I feel great now. I mean I'm still stuck here but I have an idea as to what direction I want to go in with my life and what I want to do. More importantly, I know where my heart lies. I've made it clear too. I have a feeling that my life is going to change dramatically and soon, especially with her in it.

This is all I have for now fuckfaces. If you have a band or anything that you want me to promote on my Myspace, get on there and send me a message on mine.

Fonzie: The Movie

I decided to write a screenplay for a movie about the Fonz. The premises of the story is one day he's with the gang in Arnold's and he finds out that he can no longer start the jukebox by nudging it. In a panic, he locks himself in the Cunningham's tool shed and develops an extreme case of alcoholism. He finds a nice girl and settles down with her, forcing him to sell his motorcycle and get a job working at a steel mill. Flash forward to his life in his late forties. One of his old friends contacts him and tells him that he is the only guy who thinks can pull of a motorcycle stunt. So the Fonz is torn between his home life with his family and reverting to his cool guy lifestyle. Urged by his son Artie, he overcomes himself and does the motorcycle trick, therefore proving that he hadn't "jumped the shark" in his youth (which he actually did which is what coined the term) and that he still had the cool in him. Stan Lee will have cameo appearances.

I want to move. To Colorado. And I want to co-front a band with a pretty girl.

I had pizza for lunch and I feel like I am going to puke. I ate so much.

I've come to the realization that everyone in the entire world is connected somehow. It's really fucking weird.

I don't have much else to write about. I've been kind of down lately. And only one thing has ever been able to pick me up and I get the feeling that isn't going to be around for long.

2007 Sandown 500 (random wikipedia article)

I wrote another blog today about something that I really felt like I needed to address (please see the posting below this one entitled "Fact versus fiction versus yourself."). I'm not going to say much about it so just check it out for yourself. Drinking water and eating salad is good for you, as is a bowl of oatmeal and a tall glass of orange juice. Both of these things have their respective places in my day today and I feel pretty good about it. Now all I need to do is kick this nasty and severely expensive cigarette smoking habit and I'll be all set! I've been drinking warm tea all day because I brought some bags into work with me because I'm trying to cut down on my consumption of sugary carbonated beverages such as Dr. Pepper. Such a cutback will include me bringing in bottles of Vitamin Water to imbibe throughout the day. It's never easy you know: trying to watch and balance out what you eat. But then again neither is incarnating a fan favorite comic book character accurately, which has been proven twice in the forms of both Venom (in Spider-man III) and Deadpool (in X-Men Origins: Wolverine). Years later I'm still fucking baffled by the fact that the same guy who played little Eric Foreman is Eddie Brock. What a waste.

My friend Tyler posted a Pick 5 on Facebook that I HAD to screenprint:


I've never really disclosed my love for zombie movies. I've mentioned it, but it's one of my loves in life that is equivalent to and possibly greater than my love for comic books. There's just something about cannibalistic reanimated corpses. I can't explain it. There are a lot of low-budget independent horror films with zombies as the primary antagonist. Independent films are another one of my loves all in itself, so it's like having the best of both worlds. They're good to watch with a girl when you're just staying in for a movie night filled with munching on popcorn and making out. They're good for when you and your best friends are drunk and you're receiving texts from said girl and your friends are wrestling you to take your phone from you because it's "Guy's Night" (for future reference, please consult Ray Hughes and Nicolas Frye). They're great to watch by yourself when you are pumped up to go out and do something exciting but no one else is sharing your enthusiasm. The number one greatest orgasm for me has been sourced at the comic book series Marvel Zombies, which is an amalgamation of the zombie genre and Marvel superheroes where all of the superpowered human beings in the world are affected by an alien virus that turns them into flesh-eating monsters. They wipe out humanity due to the leverage that they have as superheroes. It's pretty fucking beast. If you want a good read, I suggest you check it out.

I'm going to start writing more columns for my friend's magazine Changing Times. The only thing that has been preventing me from doing so is I never have any idea what to write about. What I'm going to do is when I'm requested to write a column I'm going to ask my readers on here and my friends on Facebook and Myspace what topics I should cover in the next column. After this story is published I'm going to post it on here for everyone to read to help promote Kevin's magazine, which publishes articles from independent writers all over the Midwest on topics from everyday life to music reviews and everything of the sorts. I'll provide contact information on how to aquire a .PDF formatted copy online or a Paypal link to order a copy. But this is something I'm doing to help my friend profit free (for me and most likely for Kevin too because he has to keep the magazine coming out). So definitely check in for that.

If anyone has any topics that I should write about and submit to Kevin, let me know in a comment.

That's about all there is from me for now.

Fact versus fiction verus yourself.

Something that I've thought heavily on of late is the thought process of a person living in this time of society. When I think about it, it's troubling and somewhat disturbing. What people live their lives by and base their opinions on anymore is nothing but fact. You're probably asking yourself "Why is this such a troubling discovery?"

Because there is a lack of faith. There's a lack of people living their lives by the way that they interpret it. There's so much ignorance in society that once people find the keys that fit in their own personal key holes, there's always something or someone keeping them from turning that key and opening up that door. So much skepticism. So much criticism. So much overwhelming factual information that people can't seem to take in and digest at the same time.

Neither science or god can determine what's right for you. Only you can decide that for yourself. Which is why part of being a liberated individual is the ability to make the choice between the two. Neither science or god are the key to unlock your door. They might be what's behind that door but I look at life like this:

Life is just like any adventure. There's more to it than reaching the end and having all of your conclusions drawn. Life is about experiences. It's not about doing what you're told from books or magazines. It's not about being threatened into living a lifestyle a certain way to avoid possible damnation. It's about finding yourself and expressing yourself.

No one comes out of life unscathed. There is no perfect answer to every philosophical question out there. It's a matter of choice based on what you experience and what your morals and beliefs and values are. In order to live your life to the fullest, you need to fall down. You need to faulter in your steps. You need all of those scrapes and bruises. You can't do everything based on fact or fiction, right or wrong. You don't need to think so much and just live.

Everyone experiences life in a different way. Everyone looks at the world through different eyes than your own. Your blue could be someone else's red. So why would you listen to what someone else tells you instead of living your own life based on your own standards? It's absurd not to. What they don't teach children in Sunday schools is that wasting your life and/or living it in fear is the worst sin that you can commit, not necessarily against god but against yourself.

It brings me to these kids who follow these trends mindlessly for the acceptance of other people out of fear that they won't fit in that popular social circle. It goes for all of these people who profess their own recycled knowledge so that it is again recycled and renewed and force movements on other people that not everyone necessarily agrees with. Some of these people, when introduced to someone with a varying opinion of their own will reject and condemn anyone who believes differently from them and it's those kinds of people that fuck up society.

But then you have other people who are more embracing than these people. I've known my fair share of pastors and reverends and people who are affiliated with these sorts of movements who embrace other people in their choices and their quests to find ultimate happiness. These are people who are on this road if it's the one that you choose to help you and guide you and help you better understand the knowledge, not force it upon you. In fact, my best friend's father is a reverend and he has offered me some of the best life advice that you can get, and none of it was tinted with persuasion to pull me into the ranks of Christianity. He told me before that I need to find out the answers for life on my own. If they're in god, then that's great. If it's somewhere else, then that's just as great. There's no right or wrong answer when it comes to religion, as long as you're doing it for yourself and not other people and as long as your mind has been opened to possible other options before you walk for the rest of your life in the shoes of other people.

I'm not going to get into my own personal beliefs since that's a long talk that I never have the time for but if you want to know, there's nothing wrong with asking and I will answer you on a personal level. But I will say this: I claim no religious affiliation.

People need to put down the books and magazines, stop thinking so much and go out and live their lives and they need to just ignore all the negativity that comes along with being an individual from other people, because there's two words for people who are overly critical of others due to close-mindedness and a lack of their own individualism: arrogance and ignorance.

Don't define yourself with either one of these.

Myths about bears.

I hate the fact that whenever someone asks for advice from me and when I'm being completely honest and unbiased it gets thrown back in my face. Suddenly I am an idiot because I draw from past experiences and tendencies. I don't care. If you read this (and you know who you are) and you have a problem with the honest advice that I give you, then fuck you. Don't talk to me, don't lurk me and certainly don't act like I "owe you" anything. And DO NOT talk down to me like I'm some sort of fucking moron you stupid bitch and don't act like I'm inferior to you in any way. I'm not the one who feeds on and outright consumes people's emotions because I'm afraid of being alone. I'm not a fucking locust who moves from person to person, uses them up for all they're worth and then throws them away only to move on to "the next big thing." I'm not the insecure one. Do you REALLY want to know why you have so much trouble with guys? It's because you are NOTHING but a pretty face. You are nothing but a potential fuck-and-go to all of these fucking idiots you get emotionally involved in. Use your goddamn brain and for once, develop a personality and stop using your looks to get you everywhere. That river will run dry, darling. Sooner than you think. And when you're out on your own in the real world you'll notice how nothing you're doing right now bears any fucking significance further down the line. It's all bullshit.

Quote: "The more I found out about her, the less I wanted anything to do with her."

I had to get that out.

Anyways, Cinco De Mayo! I should be off work sitting in the sunshine on my porch drinking margaritas. This is unfair. Instead I'm at work talking about Blade Runner with one of the lot attendants, and how Harrison Ford is a fucking beast and how he should have been in more big name movies in his youth. Now he's just an old man who is highly unrecognized for many of his roles outside of Star Wars (as Han Solo. If you didn't know this already, lock yourself in a bathroom and put the end of the barrel of a shotgun in your mouth and use your toe to pull the trigger) and Indiana Jones (amazing movies until they made that most recent one which was a bucket of shit mostly because of that Even Stevens fuck).

What the fuck did Marvel Studios do to Deadpool?! (I'm just about over this).

Noon. Lunch time. I am starving.

I'm thinking about making a new screen name on AIM tonight so that people who I don't want talking to me on there can't. That's the only way it seems to keep people who suck OUT. Because you block someone and they always keep coming back with their alternate screen names that they have linked to the one that you have. So they know you blocked them. Now you're dealing with someone who is completely pissed off at you because you blocked their other name and they're giving you a piece of mind on their "LURKER NAME" which is un-fucking-cool if you ask me. It's not like a normal conversation where you can just look them in the face and tell them: "Shut the FUCK UP!" Honestly. This goes for people who creep on me and think I should date them because I'm cute, people who have absolutely nothing to say to me except telling me all of their problems and expecting for me to solve them, or incredibly insecure ex-girlfriends who want me back because I'm the "best they've ever had" (this demographic does NOT include Tayler McMillen because I actually would date her again if the circumstances as to why we are not together would make a dramatic change for the better).

Another great film that I have laid eyes upon recently was Tombstone. Though it's not the typical legendary western movie probably starring John "The Duke" Wayne, it's a pretty epic movie (for it's 1993 release time) that tells the story about the legendary Wyatt Earp and his quest to rid Tombstone, AZ of the vicious bandit cowboys (who in this movie were just a bunch of douchebags), building up to the Gunfight At O.K. Corral and the resulting justice that was laid down with a fucking iron fist by Kurt Russell.

New Star Trek movie. I'm not going to see it. They probably fucked up Deadpool in that one, too. *sigh!*

Buy this for me:

Titanus the carrier zord!

Went and saw the new X-men origins movie about Wolverine. And I dug it. I thought it was pretty sweet and filled with ACTION! in the most appropriate areas. I loved the Sabretooth/Wolverine sibling rivalry in it and thought that it was well pulled off. Sabretooth was a pretty sweet villain in the comics and I think the guy who played him in the movie did a great job. The only argument that I have is:

"What the fuck did they do to Deadpool?!"

Deadpool looks like Baraka from Mortal Kombat with those lame arm swords. And he has those optic blasts from Cyclops which is fucking stupid. He is in no way compatible with with his Marvel Comics counterpart other than his healing factor and the fact that Deadpool is an ugly, deformed motherfucker. I mean, Wade Wilson was pretty cool when he was still just flat out Ryan Reynolds (who of course is hilarious with his dry humor). But what the fuck?! Deadpool looks like something out of a Fox Kids Saturday afternoon special. He looks like a prize you'd get out of the bottom of a goddamn box of fruit loops. Jesus Christ...

I've been privileged enough to receive a digital copy of the new Oceana album, Birth Eater. I'm pretty impressed. Their new singer has a much better singing voice than his predecessor, which was the main thing that had hyped me up for this album. I'd heard him singing songs from The Tide live, but I had no idea what he sounded like all on his own, and he pulls it off. His screaming sounds a lot like the frontman from A Life Once Lost to me, but not entirely. I think he does his own thing. But the songwriting quality has improved as well. They're a lot harder than they previously were and the melodic parts are VERY improved. I like this album and if you like good melodic post hardcore, you should too.

I don't have much to write about. Everything has been going pretty much the same. I'm thinking about looking for a new job and I've already fixed myself up a nice resume to put out. What I really want to do is go back to school though because I feel like I've found my niche in writing and I want to refine that talent and put it to use and perhaps make it into a career. I feel like my heart is into writing enough that I would take down four more years of school, get that credential and be able to do it for the rest of my life. All I need to do is:

a) Take my SATs. Because in high school I somehow missed out on doing that. Don't ask me how it happened, but I skipped so much school that I believe I was underprivileged in my studies. I DID have to do an entire year's worth of English work in about a quarter of a semester which was lame. I love English but too much of a good thing is a bad thing.
b) I need to apply for FAFSA for tuition assistance from the government. Provided my status as a military veteran, I might qualify for more money and tuition assistance. And given my grades in high school (which were good. not STELLAR but good), I could probably qualify for scholarships.
c) I need to apply for the college and get everything situated with on-campus housing. I can't wait to live in a dorm, hopefully not with a complete stranger! Maybe I could pair up with Ben or Drew or something. But I doubt it. Oh well...

But this is what my heart is set on right now. This is what I want to do with my life and I need to research it and put it all on the table and discuss it with my dad. I almost went to Full Sail a long time ago (which I'm glad that I didn't because I don't think I would have been satisfied with the turnout of going to school there). But I'm taking this seriously and getting all of the knowledge I need to make this a possibility so I can start in the fall semester.

I write nothing but garbage lately. I need to step it up and go out and find some sort of inspiration. Something to write about that is worth writing about. A writer is no good when he has nothing to write about, so something has to give.

What the fuck did they do to Deadpool?!

I forgot what day of the week it is.

I took some time today to sit out in the yard underneath a tree and write some poetry while drinking a nice glass of lemonade. I'm so happy that the weather is looking up lately. But it's weird how being outside alone can give you inspiration. If you're a writer or a poet, I would advise doing this as much as you possibly can.

One thing that caught my attention is bees. Bees are a very sad thing when you think about and personify them. If you give them emotions, they have to be one of the saddest creatures on the face of the earth. It's not their intention or instinct to be sad. But an entire hive of bees and only one of them mates with the queen. They have a short life span so they move from flower to flower, serving their purpose and pollinating (by instinct, not intent) only to die a short while. With a plan so simple, you wouldn't think they'd mind anyways. That is their intention in nature: to cross pollinate and die. It's not even a "live and fight another day" situation. I'm glad that I wasn't born a bee. Though it wouldn't make much of a difference.

Lately I've been feeling really down. Crazy. Like shit. I've been physically sick too with I don't even know what, but I think that might all be mental too. It's amazing how much of an impact the way that you think and feel has to do on your body. I've just been dragging through my days waiting for night time so that I can just fall asleep and hope that the next day something incredible happens. I know, that's no way to live your life. But honestly, until I find something of someone to break that routine I think that this is what I'm condemned to. Hopefully that time will be soon.

My friend told me yesterday that a city is a city and you can't blame it for your problems. Which is something I tend to do because I'm not happy with the scenery here and all I ever want to do is get out. I have aspirations that can't be contained in Erie, Pennsylvania. I suppose that's why I want to get out. I don;t really hate Erie, I guess. There's just nothing here for me and that is my fault, not the city's fault.

This movie is amazing. If you have never seen it, I suggest that you do.

Well kids...

I don't feel good. I need rest.

Lately I've been thinking about applying for college. Most notably, Columbia College Chicago. My heart is 90% set on it.

I'm going to go to sleep after this because I feel like fucking asshole right now.

Posting garbage again. But this is my blog. So fuck you if you don't like it.

You know how I know I'm sick? Because I took this shit. When I got done, I turned around to look at it (like I KNOW everyone does) and this is what I saw (from my camera phone):



And no, I don't bathe. I just go swimming in lakes and use my tub as a file cabinet.

One soul, two bodies.

Recently I read something profound and I decided to share it with all of you. It deals with the origins of love in Greek mythology.

The first human beings were androgynous with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. They aspired to climb into the heavens and usurp the gods, so Zeus split them all into two individuals: male and female. He then scattered them throughout the earth, condemning them to spending their lives searching for their lost other halves. Though they were given male and female properties, sexual intercourse was given to humanity to fulfill the need in body to become one with their opposites, though it would not suffice because their fulfillment could only be complete by the unification of their souls, not just their bodies.

Plato wrote about this in his Symposium.

I have to admit that I'm a lot like a lot of other people who read this; I'm not well versed in the ideals of Greek mythology despite the fact that I lived in Greece on the island of Crete for close to three years. So before I read this, I had no idea that such a concept even existed.

I find it profound because even though it is a relic of a world religion that has since been rendered obsolete, it is very accurate even by the standards of today in expressing the human desire for compassion. For love. I find it profound because there are so many cliches pertaining to "oneness" with a separate individual but none of them explain why. None of them have even the slightest expression as to why we all as human being hunger for love from someone else. But this does. And when I read it, this selection from Plato's Symposium, I couldn't believe how poetic and abstract this idea was. I couldn't believe that even back then people actually had this sort of idea about love being in a sense "completion."

I have my own ideas about love. I think that love is the most important emotion that a human being can feel in his or her lifetime as long as it's true. I think that if a person has experienced true love and it has failed them, it wasn't true love to begin with because true love never fails. There's a difference between loving someone and being in love with them. There's a difference between just love and true love and love and passion. I've written a lot of things stating the differences between all of these, especially love and passion. But I haven't written anything on here about it so I'm going to explain this (one time and one time only).

You can love anyone. It takes time to be in love with someone. There is such a thing as love at first sight, but you are not IN love with them. Thinking that you are in love with someone at first sight is an indicator of lust.

Lust is a disease.

Love is any deep admiration for someone but it has a limit. True love is endless. It overcomes anything and everything and cannot be broken. Love is associated with heartache. True love is associated with passion.

Love is being there for someone when they've drank too much and they're puking their guts up and telling them it's going to be alright. Passion is doing the same thing but holding their hair back and kissing them even though it's most likely to be disgusting as well. Passion is putting something in the forefront of your life and living every single day by it. For instance, my friend Nathan Farmer once told me this:

"I love to play piano. It's my passion and I've been doing it all my life. When my true love comes along they can break all of my fingers, making it impossible for me to play piano anymore. Because they become my passion."

He told me this years ago and I still remember it word for word because it made me think really hard about my idea of love (at the time) versus passion. In black and white, passion and lust look virtually the same without someone to interpret them. It's such a terrible thing when two completely different things get lost in translation.

I have to make a note that right now I'm talking about romantic love. Not love when it comes to lifestyles, friendships or families.

But yeah, that's just a few things I wanted to share with you. Comment this blog and give me your own ideas and interpretations. That's why I have a blog: to share and exchange ideas. Yet everyone refuses to play that game.

Old "About Me."

My name is Daniel Jacobitz. I reside on the shores of Lake Erie in the great Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, making my home in the township of Millcreek. Most of what I learned about life I learned in city of Charlotte, North Carolina. In every sense of the word I am an artist with formal training in both music and literature, the latter of which I never use because I would much rather be a trashy writer than a formal yet boring one. I sleep with my head at the foot of the bed rather than the more “conventional” way and my garments are arranged in my drawers by type and color. My handwriting is almost always in cursive and it is atrocious. I was named after my father’s best friend and my cousin and my last name is Slavic and hardly ever pronounced correctly. Most days you’ll be able to find me with my nose in a book sipping on delicious warm tea or you’ll interrupt me in the middle of a nap. My house is haunted, I’m convinced. I’m not particularly the best at showing my feelings so I write and when I choose to or not I share it with people. I’m often referred to as a gifted, talented, brilliant individual who is filled with a lot of heart and compassion. I simply deny the fact and state that “I’m only human.” I have one phobia: of bodies of water. Bathtubs don’t bother me. I used to be a sheep for the slaughter until I realized there is no point in living your life by the standards of others. I still delight in the things that I loved when I was a child. I have a dog named Bear who is a king german shepherd and most people cringe at the sight of him but he really is just a gentle giant. Night time is beautiful to me, as are rainy days. I bite my nails a lot but I suppose that’s not as bad of a habit as smoking cigarettes, which I also do. I’m considerably older than my siblings and as the firstborn I am the “fuck up” child. Pella, Iowa is the most beautiful place I have ever seen, especially when it rains at night time. I’m lacking the stereotypical male sexual appetite but I believe sex has an important role in romantic relationships. I believe that the love you have for one person cannot be exceeded by or compared to the love you have for another, but I believe that love teaches you more about yourself than it does about someone else. I have a preference for recycled clothing but not recycled knowledge. People tell me all the time that just about anything that comes out of my mouth that doesn’t have the word “fuck” in it is poetic. Some call me insane but I beg to differ stating that THEY are the ones who are lacking in sanity, not I. By looking at me you’d think that I had some sort of eating disorder, which I don’t. Don’t ask me for diet tips either because I’m just as baffled by it as you are. I advocate against superficiality and I support individualism strongly being an Existentialist in both philosophy and lifestyle. Yes, this means that I don’t believe in God but I have no problem with people who do. I hope that this "About Me" was enough to satisfy you. I hate talking about myself, and after reading this you can probably see why.

Photographs at the docks.

Wednesday: the day of the Roman messenger god Mercury, on the 29th day of April, a month named for the reporter who secretly helps out the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Today has been a cold and windy day where I reside. After a weekend of beautiful sunshine and summer-esque temperatures. My Tuesday was a cold and rainy day. Good things are never meant to last I suppose.

One concept that I've been thinking about lately that I think is magnificent is reflex. Like when you're young and you put your hand on a hot burner, and then when it burns you, you pull it back without even thinking about it. After the fact, when you do it you're at least hesitant about it even if it isn't hot. You're careful and aware of the potential danger that lies in that hot coil burner. This is a metaphor of my love life for the past year and a half. Sip that coffee slowly so as not to burn your tongue.

Lately I've been listening to the music project from British singer/songwriter Matt Hales. To be honest, when I listen to music like this it makes me feel inspired to create something beautiful and pushes me even more to get started on a musical project of my own. The quality of songwriting is astounding. If you haven't heard of this musical genius I'd advise you to stop by his Myspace or check him out legally in the Zune Marketplace or iTunes or whatever you use (yo ho yo ho a pirate's life for me). It's definitely worth a listen if you've got a good ear for talent. Trust me, if I say it, it's GOT to be true.

People keep on asking me for an elaborate list of authors that I take influence from or enjoy. I'm going to get on making a VERY elaborate list someday, but for the record:

Kurt Vonnegut, Charles Bukowski, Jack Kerouac, Ernest Hemingway, Hubert Selby Jr., Chuck Palahniuk, William Faulkner, Octavio Paz, Hermann Hesse, Kahlil Gibran, David Eggers, Milan Kundera, Stephen Chbosky. I'm forgetting a lot but again, this is just an on-the-spot list. When I can think more about it and make a better list, then you'll get it. Right now I am tired and at work and pissed-off at the fact.

Speaking of which, I need to go to the library or the bookstore (the latter once I get paid) and pick up some literature get stimulate my mind because it's been a while since I've read anything. I think the last thing I read was one of my friend's (at the time) copy of "I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell" by Tucker Max, which is an awesome book but it's not by any means inspirational. It's about as inspirational as a drunken conversation with a bunch of guys about how much ass they've gotten. Because that's precisely what the fucking book is about. It's not educational at all.

Currently playing on the Zune: "Jupiter" by Cave In.

I have no idea how my clothes get wrinkled every day when I iron them and hang them up every day. Like, seriously... What the fuck? I'm like "Alright, I have my clothes all ironed and ready for work tomorrow. They're lint-rolled and everything." No. When I put them on, I look down at a wrinkled mess. I don't get it. Maybe there is a God up there, and he just hates my guts.

Speaking of which, I've decided to call myself (openly) a creationist. But I don't believe that God exists. Do me a favor and take a pen and a piece of paper and on the paper draw a gigantic circle. Outside of this circle draw a smaller circle. In the big circle, write "Existence" and in the smaller circle, write "God" or "Divine power" or whatever your preference is. Draw yourself and all of your friends inside of the larger circle. Draw your family members and all of the people and place you've been in the larger circle. Write down your ideas, again in the larger circle. Nothing exists outside of this circle, in essence. Whatever created this large circle and everything inside of it cannot be inside of it. That's a paradox. Therefore, God doesn't exist. Hence we have no reason or logic to say that God is even there. We cannot even begin to conceive such a thing. So I can back my theories up with a simple drawing of two circles. It's not a hard concept to grasp, unless you're a hardcore Christian fundamentalist from "Alabamy!"

Everyone has this quote on their pages anymore and it's annoying:
"Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?"

First of all: What the fuck does that even mean? And why the surge in popularity in the phrase now? I think everyone got tired of seeing Heath Ledger's Joker and decided to go back in time and ruin the only good Joker (in my opinion) that there ever was too. Thanks a lot.

Suddenly I'm scene because I have long hair and wear girls jeans. People need to stop basing their opinions of other people on stereotypes. Seriously.

No sex in 4 months and 6 days. Abstinence rules.


(Yes, I did infer to Walt Disney being God).

TOR the Shuttlezord.

REALLY?!

I had written a gigantic blog but for some fucking reason I hit backspace and my browser went back to my dashboard, hence I lost everything! To top that one all off, Blogger for some reasons didn't back up the draft for it. FUCK!

I've been reading poetry from Dylan Thomas a lot lately. It's not particularly my style, enough to influence me. But it's very beautiful none the less. If you haven't read anything by him, I suggest you stop into your local book store and look for something by him. He was VERY ahead of his time, I think, and writes with an elegance that I think has disappeared with modern writers.

It's pretty stupid that I spend my days off in bed for almost their entirity. I'd cut it out if there was something or someone around to waste my time with (or rather just share it with) but there isn't anymore. I miss my friends. Most of them were swallowed alive by college in different states. And when I pulled my own disappearing act, my closeness with a lot of these people diminished. It's very sad. I also miss being in love. I miss having someone that I could put all of my time and effort into. Even if I fought with them because at the end of the day all the fighting wouldn't even matter because we were in love. I miss going on skylit walks at night, walking around downtown in beautiful cities and towns. I miss making someone smile, making them laugh, holding their hand like I'm never going to let it go. I miss writing songs and poetry for osmeone because of the massive amount of inspiration that they give me. I wish I could have something like that again. Hopefully it'll come my way.

I don't think that I'm very far off from getting a cellular telephone! Which is awesome because I fucking need one! Like... really bad. I don't know who I would call. It'd just be nice to have one. So I can make new friends and be like "Call me dude! We'll kick it!" Because right now I'm just like "Hit me up on AIM dude..." Which will never suffice as a social tool. I need to get up on it!

It's been very hot outside for the past couple of days. Summer time hot. And we're still in the middle of spring which is very unusual for Erie. I wouldn't be surprised though if it snowed in about a week. Erie weather is so fucked.

All of your chex mix are belong to us.

So there's this guy in the office at work who is getting a car from my co-worker, Brian, and he looks like a straight up hippy. He looks like he came directly out of an episode of That 70' Show. The type to drive a VW bus. In no way is this a bad thing. I see it as a compliment because he looks fucking AWESOME! I would like to drink and play guitar with this guy.


I've come to the conclusion that I can win ANY Battle of the Bands by playing "Wonderwall" on my lonesome on an acoustic guitar. It's a likeable song written by a likeable group of assholes. I think I could get the entire crowd so sing along in my effort to get a hundred and fifty dollars to put toward recording studio time (enough for maybe half a fucking song with my meticulousness).

Someone asked me what I would do if I knew that I couldn't fail. I thought hard on it and I've come to this: I would educate everyone in the world about the true meaning of love. When I say that, I don't mean romantic love. I mean love for everything around them. For the world. Even I need some education in such a thing, I think.

So House M.D. killed off the most logical member of the staff. Now we have hour-long episodes of Gregory House disassembling characters comprised completely of stupidity and a lack of common sense. I love it. Now that Kutner is gone, there is no one who can stop House from being a sarcastic madman.

!!!

On that note I wonder if there's going to be another Harold and Kumar movie since Kal Penn is one of Barack Obama's ass-puppets now.

At my job on the lobby TV we have a set of rabbit ears that are pretty unreliable and don't help much at all for getting TV stations. Right now the only channel that is coming in is the Evangelist channel. So I'm hearing some guy in the background of my workplace babbling about how God impregnated the Virgin Mary, citing every scripture where this moment occurs. I hope that a Musilum dude doesn't come in and not want to buy a car from us because he thinks we're militant Christians trying to convert them to a faith they find completely disgusting. Because they're close-minded. We get a lot of people like that in here. Which is why I smoke cigarettes in the back parking lot and not the front. Because there ARE people who will see an employee smoking and just pass by the dealership without stopping. That is bad juju!

Lately I've been delving into 1960's and 1970's American culture as far as literature, music, fashion, etc. I found that I have a profound attraction to these things.

For the record I want to state that I am a proud owner of one of these devices and I am remarkably overwhelmed with satisfaction from its performance. I plug this bad boy up to my xbox 360 and I can watch all of the movies that I've downloaded or ripped on to my computer at the click of a button. All of my music is easily accessed through various menues that would make an elite iPod user cringe in his seat. The only reason that I can see anyone having a dissatisfaction with the Zune is if they've never given it a shot. There are COUNTLESS people who have bought iPod after iPod only to see them break or shut down. Not the Zune, dude. You can even sort out episodes of TV shows by season on this thing and access them like that (For instance I have the entire series of Neon Genesis Evangelion on my Zune and I click the series title and it brings up every episode in order by season). I love it. It has an internal FM radio in it that I nveer use but you can download songs from wifi that you like using the radio if you have a Zune Pass subscription (that I don't use really just because I don't have $15 a month to spend on unlimited music).

I'm disgusted with people who are spoiled in life. Just a note.

I'm sipping on my water bottle wanting the workday to end. Evangelism on TV is making my life DRAG SLOWLY!!!

Spider-man!