Saturday, March 21, 2009
03212009
I'm writing a novel.
And I'm drawing my influences from Japanese mecha films, comic book superheroes and of course my literary gods. What a combination?! I have the ideas down and I know what I want to aim for. I've written several test chapters but I decided to scrap them and go for something with a little bit faster of a pace.
Hence why I need to watch (attentively and intently) Ghost In The Shell, Neon Genesis Evangelion and Kikaider. I also need to read back issues of Vision, Iron Man, etc. I also got a myriad of ideas from watching The Matrix in its entirity and Vanilla Sky regarding the philosopical elements in them concerning the human subconscious and using it as a means of control. Blade Runner. Gattaca.
I'm going to borrow upon the concept that Coheed and Cambria used in their novelizations of the Writer of the story being the God of the world he's created.
And I'm drawing my influences from Japanese mecha films, comic book superheroes and of course my literary gods. What a combination?! I have the ideas down and I know what I want to aim for. I've written several test chapters but I decided to scrap them and go for something with a little bit faster of a pace.
Hence why I need to watch (attentively and intently) Ghost In The Shell, Neon Genesis Evangelion and Kikaider. I also need to read back issues of Vision, Iron Man, etc. I also got a myriad of ideas from watching The Matrix in its entirity and Vanilla Sky regarding the philosopical elements in them concerning the human subconscious and using it as a means of control. Blade Runner. Gattaca.
I'm going to borrow upon the concept that Coheed and Cambria used in their novelizations of the Writer of the story being the God of the world he's created.
Friday, March 20, 2009
03202009A
I've noticed that I progressively get better and then I get worse. I'm an emotional rollercoatser anymore. And you can tell from the tone in my writing.
I'm just like you.
I'm just like you.
03202009
I need to remember to download two things so I'm going to write my reminder in here because I know I'll check it:
I need the entire Neon Genesis Evangelion series by episode (there are only twenty five or something) and I need the movies for Ghost In The Shell. Yes, I know that I'm a severe anime-loving nerd but these are a couple of cult classics and I NEEDS THEM!!!
I ate a salad for lunch today. Not much of an appetite I guess. I'll eat a ton of food when I get home without a doubt. I'm too skinny to not eat though. I mean I do... a lot. I don't even understand how I'm still skinny. Just not hungry today.
A lot of things on my mind. Some are clear and some are incredibly fucked up. I need to figure out what I want, and I know it's not this... but neither is loneliness. Who the fuck wants to be lonely? Even shut-ins mourn their loneliness because for the most fear and sadness consume them. Complacency and happiness are two different things.
I have a writing blog called Photographic Memory Loss where I'll be posting my writing and my poetry. I'm not doing it on Myspace anymore unless I'm posting a link to it because I need people to know about these blogs. I created them for a reason and for some fucking bullshit reason no one is reading them.
If you don't have a Blogger, I suggest you make one because this shit tops ANY blogging site I have ever used, including Xanga. Plus if you get one we can comment each other back and forth. If you're a writer, you should have one of these so we can do constructive criticism back and forth (just Follow me if you do have one).
I almost made a Twitter again today... ALMOST. I probably should get on that when I'm not so goddamn lazy. It's not like I don't have a lot of time on my hands (which I waste away flirting with girls I'm not even interested in. Yes, I said that. Now who out of all of you is it?). I AM talking to people (person) that I actually am interested in too, but yeah...
I don't trust people still. Ashley Zuzich is still fucking with me even though she doesn't even talk to me anymore. I need time I guess. I'm not in love with her but I can tell I was because no one feels this way over just anyone after they hurt you like this. I'll be fine. Time...
Then again someone else to take my mind off of her could be EXACTLY what I need to move along.
I need the entire Neon Genesis Evangelion series by episode (there are only twenty five or something) and I need the movies for Ghost In The Shell. Yes, I know that I'm a severe anime-loving nerd but these are a couple of cult classics and I NEEDS THEM!!!
I ate a salad for lunch today. Not much of an appetite I guess. I'll eat a ton of food when I get home without a doubt. I'm too skinny to not eat though. I mean I do... a lot. I don't even understand how I'm still skinny. Just not hungry today.
A lot of things on my mind. Some are clear and some are incredibly fucked up. I need to figure out what I want, and I know it's not this... but neither is loneliness. Who the fuck wants to be lonely? Even shut-ins mourn their loneliness because for the most fear and sadness consume them. Complacency and happiness are two different things.
I have a writing blog called Photographic Memory Loss where I'll be posting my writing and my poetry. I'm not doing it on Myspace anymore unless I'm posting a link to it because I need people to know about these blogs. I created them for a reason and for some fucking bullshit reason no one is reading them.
If you don't have a Blogger, I suggest you make one because this shit tops ANY blogging site I have ever used, including Xanga. Plus if you get one we can comment each other back and forth. If you're a writer, you should have one of these so we can do constructive criticism back and forth (just Follow me if you do have one).
I almost made a Twitter again today... ALMOST. I probably should get on that when I'm not so goddamn lazy. It's not like I don't have a lot of time on my hands (which I waste away flirting with girls I'm not even interested in. Yes, I said that. Now who out of all of you is it?). I AM talking to people (person) that I actually am interested in too, but yeah...
I don't trust people still. Ashley Zuzich is still fucking with me even though she doesn't even talk to me anymore. I need time I guess. I'm not in love with her but I can tell I was because no one feels this way over just anyone after they hurt you like this. I'll be fine. Time...
Then again someone else to take my mind off of her could be EXACTLY what I need to move along.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
03192009
I don't know what I want anymore. But my priority in life is figuring that out.
My heart is up for auction. But I'm not necessarily waiting on the highest bidder. It's ironic, you know? Things always happen for a reason. I had a feeling a long time ago that this would happen. Was I ready then? Definitely not. But I've always had a feeling.
I'm playing the ambiguity game. Yes, I am a douche bag. There are multiple people who are invested in me emotionally at this point and I appreciate it but I don't necessarily feel like I both deserve or want it. I'm back on my feet, finally.
My heart is up for auction. But I'm not necessarily waiting on the highest bidder. It's ironic, you know? Things always happen for a reason. I had a feeling a long time ago that this would happen. Was I ready then? Definitely not. But I've always had a feeling.
I'm playing the ambiguity game. Yes, I am a douche bag. There are multiple people who are invested in me emotionally at this point and I appreciate it but I don't necessarily feel like I both deserve or want it. I'm back on my feet, finally.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
You are my sunshine.
I sat on the bathroom floor, eyes swelling up with tears... but I wasn't crying. I held back.
I had a pair of shears in my hand and I was pulling at my hair, chopping it all off. I no longer felt beautiful in the eyes of anyone anymore. I would kiss you, but you wouldn't kiss me back. Rejection, and I couldn't accept it. I couldn't handle it.
In the meantime I was leaving you messages on your phone. My voice growing weaker and weaker with every one. Seventy-two missed calls.
You loved me. And I knew it. You just didn't want to show it.
But the truth is, I haven't felt beautiful since the last time you told me that I was. Not honestly anyways.
After all this time, that kiss goodbye still haunts me.
I had a pair of shears in my hand and I was pulling at my hair, chopping it all off. I no longer felt beautiful in the eyes of anyone anymore. I would kiss you, but you wouldn't kiss me back. Rejection, and I couldn't accept it. I couldn't handle it.
In the meantime I was leaving you messages on your phone. My voice growing weaker and weaker with every one. Seventy-two missed calls.
You loved me. And I knew it. You just didn't want to show it.
But the truth is, I haven't felt beautiful since the last time you told me that I was. Not honestly anyways.
After all this time, that kiss goodbye still haunts me.
Monday, March 16, 2009
03162009
My head hurts.
Sometimes I'll post a lot of things in one day, sometimes I'll post nothing. Sometimes I just have nothing to write about. Sometimes I post old stuff that I wrote and sometimes I'll post new things. It happens I guess.
Work... I sit at work and I get everything accomplished before it needs to be done and then I'm left to just sit here and stare blankly at my screen. Thank goodness for sites like Myspace and Facebook, where I can actually have a bit of company while I'm sitting here banging my head against my desk because I can't figure out what to do.
I'm going to have a band soon. And it's going to be good... and interesting.
I'm still in my phase where I have a grudge against anything with a vagina. Like they say, and you can't blame me for this: "Don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die." I don't. Maybe eventually I will but for now I'm keeping my shit on lockdown.
It's just about time for lunch. I always write something before my lunch break. I'm anxiously waiting for the time of day when I devour a bunch of food (I don't even know what I'm having yet) and then smoke three or four cigarettes and then get back to work. Fun... fun.
I really want to move to Chicago. REALLY.
I haven't been writing a lot lately. I'm going to start two new blogs on this account: one for things that are more thoughtful and one for my acutal writing (in an artistic sense). I don't know when I'm going to do this, but I'll get to it soon.
I'm having a problem with my Zune. I keep trying to reset it to factory but when it tries to reinstall the firmware, it says it can't update it so I might be screwed but it did this before and I fixed it pretty easily so who knows right? I hate mp3 players but it's the most efficient way to bring all of your music anywhere with you, rather than say... a gigantic case of CD's.
I'll be writing more. Later. More than likely. So keep an eye out.
Sometimes I'll post a lot of things in one day, sometimes I'll post nothing. Sometimes I just have nothing to write about. Sometimes I post old stuff that I wrote and sometimes I'll post new things. It happens I guess.
Work... I sit at work and I get everything accomplished before it needs to be done and then I'm left to just sit here and stare blankly at my screen. Thank goodness for sites like Myspace and Facebook, where I can actually have a bit of company while I'm sitting here banging my head against my desk because I can't figure out what to do.
I'm going to have a band soon. And it's going to be good... and interesting.
I'm still in my phase where I have a grudge against anything with a vagina. Like they say, and you can't blame me for this: "Don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die." I don't. Maybe eventually I will but for now I'm keeping my shit on lockdown.
It's just about time for lunch. I always write something before my lunch break. I'm anxiously waiting for the time of day when I devour a bunch of food (I don't even know what I'm having yet) and then smoke three or four cigarettes and then get back to work. Fun... fun.
I really want to move to Chicago. REALLY.
I haven't been writing a lot lately. I'm going to start two new blogs on this account: one for things that are more thoughtful and one for my acutal writing (in an artistic sense). I don't know when I'm going to do this, but I'll get to it soon.
I'm having a problem with my Zune. I keep trying to reset it to factory but when it tries to reinstall the firmware, it says it can't update it so I might be screwed but it did this before and I fixed it pretty easily so who knows right? I hate mp3 players but it's the most efficient way to bring all of your music anywhere with you, rather than say... a gigantic case of CD's.
I'll be writing more. Later. More than likely. So keep an eye out.
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