Salute!
As you can see I've redone my layout. Tell me what you think! I'll be doing the layout to Photographic Memory Loss as well when I get some free time.
After doing some deep thinking and soul-searching, I've come to the conclusion that all of the problems that I've had in life as of late are the indirect consequences of the past choices that I made. They weren't always the best ones but at the time they made more sense. Now I'm like, "Fuck... I wish I would have done things differently."
For instance, there are people from my past that I really thought the world of but when it really boils down to it, they really weren't who I thought they were. I'm developing a case of social anxiety because of the fact that I cannot leave my house and meet people and have something nice to say about them. Because of my past, I tend to overlook people's better qualities and go straight to making a mental list as to why I don't think they're worth my time.
If people were a little more genuine then maybe I wouldn't. Unfortunately, everyone sucks. So if you run into me at the supermarket and I'm standing in a grocery line waiting to buy a case of bottled water and a packet of peanut M&M's, forgive my cold demeanor. If you can make me laugh though, I might put you in the running for friendship.
I'm quitting smoking slowly but surely. I'm tired of having motherfucking headaches. I also would like to ween myself off of my coffee/caffeine addiction. It's sad that I can't even function without starting my day by drinking a ton of coffee.
One thing that I miss very much is sitting around with a glass of wine, preferably around or close to a record turntable, listening to LP's. I love analog sound formats so much more than the modern digital ones because in order to listen to this music you need to sit down and take the time to appreciate it. It's a beautiful thing. I miss going to record stores and digging through the shelves to find the most obscure and artistic thing that I could find and going to the record players in-shop and putting on those HUGE headphones and figuring out what I want to buy. Those days were pure gold. I got back into it with my friend Kevin in Des Moines for a bit but it was only to a certain extent.
It's funny how I'll sit on my computer all night with nothing to do (other than communication my prospective counterpart and possible soulmate) and I'll just dig through forums and reviews to find new music to listen to. It's never generally what you'd expect out of me either. I'm not COMPLETELY a metal head. I just appreciate some metal due to the complexity of the musical composition. When I listen to a lot of it I think of classical music... but with lots of distortion and dinosaurs. The more beautiful that an album by an artist is, the more into it I am. And I can't just listen to one song from an artist, the entire album as a whole has to speak to me fr me to like it. I can't stand when bands have one or two good songs and that's the basis for the entire thing. Filler is nonsense. You should put your heart into everything that you create, big or small. Otherwise what's the point in making it?
I can't stand mainstream music. It's just like listening to the same thing over and over again.
Lately I've been motivated to push my other, less obvious artistic talents. I want to get back into painting and drawing. It's just something I never pursued that I wish that I had. If I can pick up a good-paying job, I want to put everything together as some incredibly big effort. To do that I need a variety and assortment of instruments, a ton of paper to write on, a new hard drive to put my billions of ideas into and a means to publish and produce it. I'm pretty good at promoting my stuff when I can, it's just... I don't have anything to promote as of late.
I wish I still had my old sketchbooks. I had some good stuff in there.
I think it's funny when I see commercials for prescription drugs that say that you might experience suicidal thoughts as a side-effect of taking their product. It's always a nice way of saying "You're probably going to want to kill yourself because of this. Let's hope you're one of the lucky ones!" Classic!
Right now I can't think of anything else. I might update again if I can think of something.
I also have a new prose post on my writing page:
Click here to go read it.
EDIT:
I decided to make a list of things that I need.
-Acoustic guitar.
-Three microphones and cables.
-Headphones. I'm not talking about earbuds here either.
-A turntable. For playing records, not making "remixes."
-Some records to listen to on said record player. Just tell me what you have.
-Keyboard/Synth
-Hollowbodied guitar.
-Easel.
-T-shirts. Youth large or even smalls will do.
-Jeans. 00 if you have them but I can wear a belt if you have 2's.
-Plugs. Preferably wooden or bone ones.
-Paint supplies.
-Pens and pencils.
-Charcoal pencils or whatever.
-Hair Straightener.
-A new job.
-A social life.
-External hard drive to put myriads of ideas onto.
-A box of sticky notes.
If you can donate any of these things to me, it would be much appreciated.
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