I'm sorry.

Let me tell y'all something about long distance relationships...

I'm not in one. Officially. Though I might as well be in one. In any case, it's extremely difficult. It takes more effort and commitment to maintain that bridge of communication than anything. At times, you feel like you're pushing it too hard and you might come across as clingy when you're not. You're just trying to maintain and keep up with everything, especially since you can't share in the time that you're apart. It sucks. But when you have someone who is worth that effort, it's no big deal.

I do. Not officially. But you get the point.

She was here. She was within a fucking mile of me and because of a massive communication failure I broke myself for nothing. I don't even care how I feel physically... completely worn down and beaten in. I just feel defeated. Because the person that care about more than anyone in the world at this point was within walking distance of me but without knowledge and direction, I failed. I walked away with this feeling deep within my soul that was telling me that she would be disappointed if she knew that I was walking away from her. That I was just going to go home and lay in my bed with the windows close, the blinds shut and completely buried in blankets and drenched with sadness that I couldn't see her face.

This is all I can think about. It's all that I can even dream of.

I'm sorry.