But more importantly:
What the fuck was I doing in the Musicals section of Best Buy?
Looking for Yanni. That's what the fuck what I was doing.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Here...
What the fuck was Twilight doing in the Musicals section of Best Buy?! It's like God is taunting me for my sincere hatred of that movie.
But more importantly:
What the fuck was I doing in the Musicals section of Best Buy?
Looking for Yanni. That's what the fuck what I was doing.
But more importantly:
What the fuck was I doing in the Musicals section of Best Buy?
Looking for Yanni. That's what the fuck what I was doing.
Heartbreaking has one key thing in common with figure skating...
...it's a woman's sport. And when men do it, it just doesn't look right.
(I KNEW there was a reason why I crushed so hard on figure skaters!)
(I KNEW there was a reason why I crushed so hard on figure skaters!)
Koala bears are God's ray of sunshine!
Hey oh!
Yesterday I failed to update this thing. "Why?" you're asking? I'll tell you why. Because I fucking woke up after a night of drinking and joking and smoking and spitting and flirting with waitresses and taking down shots of whiskey (or vodka) to being drunk STILL in the morning, collapsing back onto my bed and using up a sick day at work. The thing that sucks is when you have the brown bottle flu and you work with your dad (whom you were out drinking with the night before. I know, I have an awesome father) everyone at work makes fun of you the next day. Today so far I've had the most shameful day. I'm shaking my head to myself right now just discussing it. To let you know how much I drank (because I lost count) my bill for my drinks and my Philly cheese steak sandwich with chili fries (yum) was $90 alone. Plus I got the waitress to buy two rounds of shots for our table (which was sweet of her but I know it's because she was getting a huge tip from us anyways). Surprisingly my headache wasn't being too much of a whore and it went away after two Tylenols and a little more sleep.
Yesterday the mailman pulls into my driveway and honks his horn. When I go upstairs and look out the window my entire being was filled with extreme excitement. I don't think I was nearly as excited as when I jumped out of an airplane (if you've been skydiving you should fucking know), but I was still pretty excited. I got two things:
A subway box wrapped in clear tape (it was a piece of shit looking parcel) with my last name being misspelled on the box (Chanse, did you do this on purpose you bastard?!). Inside of this box were seven (7) Xbox 360 games: Armored Core 4, Lost Planet, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare, Fable II, Enchanted Arms, Oblivion, Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, and I can't remember what the last game is but I will tell you what it is when I go home. I know everyone is like "I read this every day and I wanna know!" No you don't. No one reads this shit.
I also got a package from Jelsea Layne with pictures, poetry, a cute letter, a condom with a note on it, a dreamcatcher, a bracelet... all sorts of stuff. She's going to read this and be like "Fuck you Daniel! You forgot to say this..." But it's the morning, my memory hasn't booted up completely and I need to wake up still. Jelsea is a pretty sweet girl. I can't wait until she's back in Erie because I want to see her.
The thing about Jelsea is after years of watching me go through girl after girl and giving me advice on what I should do that entire time she has adored the fuck out of me. But she lives too far away. And there are worse things than distance, I know. But at this point I need someone to put ALL of my time and effort into. I don't want to be a part-time long distance or otherwise lover to anyone. So it's a huge issue now.
Someone help me get a cellular telephone device! I need contact with the world that isn't my laptop!
Neon Genesis Evangelion, to my dismay, was NOT finished converting yesterday. Something fucked up and the last six episodes weren't done right so I had to redo them. And I hate it because it slows my computer down SO much when I convert videos. And these videos are 22 minutes a piece at like... 26 episodes. Ten hours of Neon Genesis Evangelion plus a movie at the end (which is 90 minutes long). I'm going to be pretty busy! But not only do I love this series, I need to watch it as research for the book I'm going to write.
I haven't been writing a whole lot of poetry lately. Those of you who really know me know that I am always on my laptop for this sole reason So no, I'm not just a loser who sits around and talks to fake Myspace friends all day (not all of them are fake but everyone on my Facebook, I know personally so by comparison I have more real friends on Facebook than I do on Myspace). So really if you lurk my Myspace and my friends on there you shouldn't take 90% of what I say to people on there seriously. It's funny how people get all bent out of shape over that sort of thing.
I'm flirtatious. It's what I do. When I have a woman in my life and have that sense of permanence, I'll stop. But until then I'm just passing time.
(I'm sincere with one person. But like I said, she lives too far away.)
ANYWAYS. No poetry lately. No inspiration really.
I'm back on my Travis Bryant trip. I made a playlist with everything he's done (Alive In Wild Paint, Goodbye Tomorrow, Terminal and Letter Twelve which is essentially Terminal too but the music was a lot harder when they were Letter Twelve).
Click here to find out where Southern accents come from.
So... time for a cigarette break.
Yesterday I failed to update this thing. "Why?" you're asking? I'll tell you why. Because I fucking woke up after a night of drinking and joking and smoking and spitting and flirting with waitresses and taking down shots of whiskey (or vodka) to being drunk STILL in the morning, collapsing back onto my bed and using up a sick day at work. The thing that sucks is when you have the brown bottle flu and you work with your dad (whom you were out drinking with the night before. I know, I have an awesome father) everyone at work makes fun of you the next day. Today so far I've had the most shameful day. I'm shaking my head to myself right now just discussing it. To let you know how much I drank (because I lost count) my bill for my drinks and my Philly cheese steak sandwich with chili fries (yum) was $90 alone. Plus I got the waitress to buy two rounds of shots for our table (which was sweet of her but I know it's because she was getting a huge tip from us anyways). Surprisingly my headache wasn't being too much of a whore and it went away after two Tylenols and a little more sleep.
Yesterday the mailman pulls into my driveway and honks his horn. When I go upstairs and look out the window my entire being was filled with extreme excitement. I don't think I was nearly as excited as when I jumped out of an airplane (if you've been skydiving you should fucking know), but I was still pretty excited. I got two things:
A subway box wrapped in clear tape (it was a piece of shit looking parcel) with my last name being misspelled on the box (Chanse, did you do this on purpose you bastard?!). Inside of this box were seven (7) Xbox 360 games: Armored Core 4, Lost Planet, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare, Fable II, Enchanted Arms, Oblivion, Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, and I can't remember what the last game is but I will tell you what it is when I go home. I know everyone is like "I read this every day and I wanna know!" No you don't. No one reads this shit.
I also got a package from Jelsea Layne with pictures, poetry, a cute letter, a condom with a note on it, a dreamcatcher, a bracelet... all sorts of stuff. She's going to read this and be like "Fuck you Daniel! You forgot to say this..." But it's the morning, my memory hasn't booted up completely and I need to wake up still. Jelsea is a pretty sweet girl. I can't wait until she's back in Erie because I want to see her.
The thing about Jelsea is after years of watching me go through girl after girl and giving me advice on what I should do that entire time she has adored the fuck out of me. But she lives too far away. And there are worse things than distance, I know. But at this point I need someone to put ALL of my time and effort into. I don't want to be a part-time long distance or otherwise lover to anyone. So it's a huge issue now.
Someone help me get a cellular telephone device! I need contact with the world that isn't my laptop!
Neon Genesis Evangelion, to my dismay, was NOT finished converting yesterday. Something fucked up and the last six episodes weren't done right so I had to redo them. And I hate it because it slows my computer down SO much when I convert videos. And these videos are 22 minutes a piece at like... 26 episodes. Ten hours of Neon Genesis Evangelion plus a movie at the end (which is 90 minutes long). I'm going to be pretty busy! But not only do I love this series, I need to watch it as research for the book I'm going to write.
I haven't been writing a whole lot of poetry lately. Those of you who really know me know that I am always on my laptop for this sole reason So no, I'm not just a loser who sits around and talks to fake Myspace friends all day (not all of them are fake but everyone on my Facebook, I know personally so by comparison I have more real friends on Facebook than I do on Myspace). So really if you lurk my Myspace and my friends on there you shouldn't take 90% of what I say to people on there seriously. It's funny how people get all bent out of shape over that sort of thing.
I'm flirtatious. It's what I do. When I have a woman in my life and have that sense of permanence, I'll stop. But until then I'm just passing time.
(I'm sincere with one person. But like I said, she lives too far away.)
ANYWAYS. No poetry lately. No inspiration really.
I'm back on my Travis Bryant trip. I made a playlist with everything he's done (Alive In Wild Paint, Goodbye Tomorrow, Terminal and Letter Twelve which is essentially Terminal too but the music was a lot harder when they were Letter Twelve).
Click here to find out where Southern accents come from.
So... time for a cigarette break.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Super secret sneak attack!
I had a tuna torpedo from Quiznos today.
mmm TOASTY!
I have a bunch of pent-up rage in me right now. I think I need to run around in the parking lot in circles about twenty times so I can calm down. But I'm also tired at the same time, so I probably won't.
Today feels like yesterday. And yesterday feels like the day before that.
I'm going to go drink some coffee. Maybe I'll get more pissed and actually write about something that matters.
mmm TOASTY!
I have a bunch of pent-up rage in me right now. I think I need to run around in the parking lot in circles about twenty times so I can calm down. But I'm also tired at the same time, so I probably won't.
Today feels like yesterday. And yesterday feels like the day before that.
I'm going to go drink some coffee. Maybe I'll get more pissed and actually write about something that matters.
Subconsciously Yours, Daniel
I had this weird dream last night... I just have to write about it because it came out of nowhere and caught me off guard.
For whatever reason I was in Raleigh, North Carolina at a coffee shop and it was a little chilly outside and I was wearing a jacket. I reached into my pocket to get my cigarettes and I found a little envelope. Now... I was curious as to how it got in my pocket because I don't remember putting it there. I opened up the envelope and there was a note with an address in a familiar handwriting that I couldn't place at the time. It had an address on it and it said "Meet me here at 3:15 in the afternoon. Just come in, don't knock."
I looked at my watch and it said 3:03 and for some reason I bolted and found my way to this address and it was a small house. Nice on the outside. The door was open and I walked in and it was just as nice on the inside. And on the couch in the living room was someone sleeping on the couch wearing a dress. I recognized her immediately when she rolled over to see who was there.
It was my first love. Not the first person I've ever been in love with but the first person I've loved (to me there is a huge difference and I was far too young to understand the concept of being in love at the time). She looked beautiful and she smiled and said "Daniel Ryan..." as she stretched out her arms to give me a hug. I gave her one and lifted her to her feet. She was different from the last time I saw her, but she still had that light in her eyes that I always adored about her and I noticed it right away.
We sat at a table and talked about things over a cup of tea. She knew I was a writer but I was struggling to get my work published. I knew she was going to school for psychology and she told me it was going well. And we laughed and told stories and jokes and we were nostalgic and talked about how everything used to be and how much we missed one another and all of that and she kissed me on the cheek. It made me blush and then she did it again. I looked down at my shoes and laughed and then she went to do it again, and I turned my head and kissed her right back. And she didn't expect it.
After this happened there was about five minutes of silence. And we'd just look over back and forth at each other and shoot awkward smiles. I got up, put my jacket on to leave and she pulled me my the hand and from that point we made out. After that she held me and begged for me to not leave again. I told her that I had to and that everything was different and I didn't feel like there was a place for this right now in either of our lives. And she told me she didn't care and that she wanted it to be, even if it was the only thing that had a place in our lives. And she was crying.
And then I kissed her on her head behind her ear. And I woke up.
For whatever reason I was in Raleigh, North Carolina at a coffee shop and it was a little chilly outside and I was wearing a jacket. I reached into my pocket to get my cigarettes and I found a little envelope. Now... I was curious as to how it got in my pocket because I don't remember putting it there. I opened up the envelope and there was a note with an address in a familiar handwriting that I couldn't place at the time. It had an address on it and it said "Meet me here at 3:15 in the afternoon. Just come in, don't knock."
I looked at my watch and it said 3:03 and for some reason I bolted and found my way to this address and it was a small house. Nice on the outside. The door was open and I walked in and it was just as nice on the inside. And on the couch in the living room was someone sleeping on the couch wearing a dress. I recognized her immediately when she rolled over to see who was there.
It was my first love. Not the first person I've ever been in love with but the first person I've loved (to me there is a huge difference and I was far too young to understand the concept of being in love at the time). She looked beautiful and she smiled and said "Daniel Ryan..." as she stretched out her arms to give me a hug. I gave her one and lifted her to her feet. She was different from the last time I saw her, but she still had that light in her eyes that I always adored about her and I noticed it right away.
We sat at a table and talked about things over a cup of tea. She knew I was a writer but I was struggling to get my work published. I knew she was going to school for psychology and she told me it was going well. And we laughed and told stories and jokes and we were nostalgic and talked about how everything used to be and how much we missed one another and all of that and she kissed me on the cheek. It made me blush and then she did it again. I looked down at my shoes and laughed and then she went to do it again, and I turned my head and kissed her right back. And she didn't expect it.
After this happened there was about five minutes of silence. And we'd just look over back and forth at each other and shoot awkward smiles. I got up, put my jacket on to leave and she pulled me my the hand and from that point we made out. After that she held me and begged for me to not leave again. I told her that I had to and that everything was different and I didn't feel like there was a place for this right now in either of our lives. And she told me she didn't care and that she wanted it to be, even if it was the only thing that had a place in our lives. And she was crying.
And then I kissed her on her head behind her ear. And I woke up.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Air conditioning. Seven settings. Full power!
Someone told me yesterday that if you focus too much on the things that you don't have, you'll forget about what it is that you do. I'm tired of worrying about what got away or what could have been. I'm going to start living more for the present. And if I do that might future will be much more vibrant.
Optimism isn't something I'm very used to but I am desperately trying to find a reason to be optimistic every day. Hopefully some miracle will happen like an anomaly in my routine day that will change anything. I'm tired of chasing things that move too quickly for me to catch them. I'm only a human being. So I'm going to wait until something comes my way and when it does, I'm going to do everything that I can to catch it and hold on to it.
I came up with this short story about a man being a fisherman waiting for his perfect catch. The thing was, he just put a hook in the water with no bait on it at all. All of the other fishermen just laughed at him and called him crazy. They caught all the fish in the lake but threw them back or kept them to eat them. Seeing this, the fisherman grew tired and discouraged and reeled his line in but as he did, his perfect catch bit on his hook. And he took it home with him and took care of it. Because fishing to this man wasn't a sport and it wasn't out of hunger. He was fishing because he wanted something to take care of and have a passion for. And he didn't bait his hook because he left it up to fate, not technique or allure.
I wrote this because someone told me the expression that there are many fish in the sea. But everyone eventually has that one catch that they take home with them.
I'm getting stoked on watching the entire series of Neon Genesis Evangelion. It's taking up like 18 gigabytes on my hard drive and making it run like shit because I have so much music that I only have about 30 gigs to spare. So when it's done converting I am without a doubt putting that shit on my Zune and deleting it off my computer. Of course Zunes are awesome and you can put stuff back onto your computer (with an iPod you can't do that unless you get special software).
Chanse Hall is sending me an xbox360 game package with like 7 games that he doesn't even play anymore. Most notably he's sending me Armored Core 4. I'm a big fan of Armored Core games because you get to build a mecha, customize it and fight shit with it. It's fucking remarkable! And so fucking fun too.
I'm drinking a strawberry milkshake from Chick-fil-a and it is fucking amazing. It had a cherry and I want to eat it but it's at the bottom of the cup now. Stupid, stupid me.
I need to go outside RIGHT NOW and smoke three cigarettes in a row! And then I need to get a gumball from the machine and make my tongue blue. Or whatever colour I get but hopefully it's blue.
(I just "sold" my dad a Kia Spectra. This calls for some sort of celebration).
*I owe a lot of the inspiration for this blog to Charlie Lipsie. He's a very recent but good friend of mine and his advice is VERY inspiring.*
Optimism isn't something I'm very used to but I am desperately trying to find a reason to be optimistic every day. Hopefully some miracle will happen like an anomaly in my routine day that will change anything. I'm tired of chasing things that move too quickly for me to catch them. I'm only a human being. So I'm going to wait until something comes my way and when it does, I'm going to do everything that I can to catch it and hold on to it.
I came up with this short story about a man being a fisherman waiting for his perfect catch. The thing was, he just put a hook in the water with no bait on it at all. All of the other fishermen just laughed at him and called him crazy. They caught all the fish in the lake but threw them back or kept them to eat them. Seeing this, the fisherman grew tired and discouraged and reeled his line in but as he did, his perfect catch bit on his hook. And he took it home with him and took care of it. Because fishing to this man wasn't a sport and it wasn't out of hunger. He was fishing because he wanted something to take care of and have a passion for. And he didn't bait his hook because he left it up to fate, not technique or allure.
I wrote this because someone told me the expression that there are many fish in the sea. But everyone eventually has that one catch that they take home with them.
I'm getting stoked on watching the entire series of Neon Genesis Evangelion. It's taking up like 18 gigabytes on my hard drive and making it run like shit because I have so much music that I only have about 30 gigs to spare. So when it's done converting I am without a doubt putting that shit on my Zune and deleting it off my computer. Of course Zunes are awesome and you can put stuff back onto your computer (with an iPod you can't do that unless you get special software).
Chanse Hall is sending me an xbox360 game package with like 7 games that he doesn't even play anymore. Most notably he's sending me Armored Core 4. I'm a big fan of Armored Core games because you get to build a mecha, customize it and fight shit with it. It's fucking remarkable! And so fucking fun too.
I'm drinking a strawberry milkshake from Chick-fil-a and it is fucking amazing. It had a cherry and I want to eat it but it's at the bottom of the cup now. Stupid, stupid me.
I need to go outside RIGHT NOW and smoke three cigarettes in a row! And then I need to get a gumball from the machine and make my tongue blue. Or whatever colour I get but hopefully it's blue.
(I just "sold" my dad a Kia Spectra. This calls for some sort of celebration).
*I owe a lot of the inspiration for this blog to Charlie Lipsie. He's a very recent but good friend of mine and his advice is VERY inspiring.*
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
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