03112009

I'm trying to rip you off as we speak... er, I mean as I'm typing this or you're reading it.

Supposedly, Mountain Dew has a colouring in it that makes your penis smaller or something. Some kind of yellow. I think that I need to go on a strictly Mountain Dew diet, so that I can stop killing women that I have sex with. I boast about the size of my penis because sometimes it's funny, but that wasn't. I am a douche.

I DO like my women like I like my coffee though: ground up and in the freezer.

I'm a big brother again today. What does that mean for me? NOTHING! Except now I get to be awake at all hours of the night and I get to wake up all groggy and pissed off. This could be a turn for the worst... I'm already slowly but surely going insane and this might be just another check that my sanity might not be able to cash.

I'm totally kidding. I'm happy about the new family addition.

I AM FUELED BY COFFEE! I kept waking up in the middle of the night last night because I have to sleep on the couch on the count of my grandma being in town staying with us because of the baby being born. I kept rolling almost off the couch. And then I woke up and I'd slept through my fucking alarm! But it's okay I had plenty of time to get ready for work. I just usually like to enjoy a nice cup of joe and a cigarette as well as a bowl of cocoa krispies before I head into work.

What happened to 30 Seconds To Mars?! They're not good anymore. Beautiful Lie is a terrible album. I know this is old news, but still. I do like the Bjork cover that's on there though. I just like Bjork in general. Good sleeping music.

Someone asked me what poetic cannibalism is last night after reading my blog. It's writing about the things that "eat away" at you. Like your vices, disagreements, broken heartedness, ect. It's pessimistic writing, basically. I'm working on trying to not be so much of a pessimist. But I'm evil. So it's hard not to. My writing is my "Frankenstein." My creation. My monster.

I'm killing time until lunch. I'm going to eat something healthy, like a fucking salad with a TON of dressing or maybe a bowl of vegetable soup. Sometimes I feel like I should go back to being a vegetarian because I don't even like meat. I need to gain some weight though. At least ten pounds and when I do I'll be good. I'm too fucking skinny and it disgusts me. I can't find a girl to date who weighs less than me. I haven't been able to since I lost all my weight in the 9th grade.

Just a quick update. More to come for today probably.