It tastes like regular Dr. Pepper!

Have any of you felt like you met someone who you 100% were supposed to be with but you couldn't? It sucks. To make things worse, they make cameos in your dreams too. Not that it would make it a bad dream, it's just a reminder that you can't be with them when you're sleeping as well as when you're awake.

I had a dream about someone with blonde hair and brown eyes. The sky was on fire and she was wearing a white dress, but it was a really dirty one and it was all torn up. I realized that the world was divided by glass, and while on my side of the glass it started raining, on hers the sky was on fire. I could see her mouth moving, yelling something to me but I couldn't hear her words. So I went and I tried to find something to break that glass so I could rescue her and bring her over, but nothing could. So we just stood there for a while, with our hands pressed against the glass as if they were touching and I was looking down at the ground in disappointment. But when I looked up, she was looking at me in adoration. I started getting cold from the rain and she stepped back and motioned for me to follow her. But I just stood there in defeat and said that I couldn't. But she shook her head and kept telling to come over. I just stood there, looking at her. I turned my back to the glass for a second and when I turned back around, she was gone.

When I woke up, I was so sad.


Anyways, that aside I haven't been doing much. Just preparing to go to a school that in the end I didn't have enough money to go to. How embarrassing?! So what am I going to do? Stay in Erie for about a year maybe and get a car and build a little credit and then try again to get a loan? Probably. I mean... my sister got a car and it built her credit up to like a 730 score which is good. It's not fucking incredible but it's good.

Cave In, one of my all time favorite bands, is back together and releasing (has released???) a record. I don't know for sure if it's out yet or not because no one on p2p or torrent sites seems to want to share their music so I'll get on every torrent site and search for "Cave In" and I'll get incomplete discography torrents. Then I get on Soulseek and try to find the songs to fill the gaps and whatever's missing and I'll sit with a query for about 5 days waiting to get something in (shitty) 128kbps. It's not fair. More people need to know about this band AND SHARE THAT FUCKING KNOWLEDGE! Jesus... no wonder no one knows about them. They're not on iTunes, Zune OR file sharing sites/software. The only way that you can hear about them is by seeing them live, and you cant even get stuff that they recorded 10 years ago through that means. FUCKKKKKKKKK!

Now Botch needs to get back together and do a co-headlining tour with Cave In and Converge. Coalesce will be there too... with their Led Zeppelin covers.

I'm so fucking thirsty that it's fucking unbearable! UGGGGGGH!

Recommended anime:
Ghost In The Shell: Stand Alone Complex
Mobile Suit Gundam 00
Mobile Suit Gundam SEED -> Mobile Suit Gundam SEED Destiny
Code Geass
S-Cry-Ed

Fucking smile.

Every day I find myself more and more frustrated. Like I'm building it up to this high-powered awesome breakdown that I'm inevitably going to reach. And it's for no reason. I feel like as time keeps passing, I'm more and more bitter about everything. I can't even fucking be specific. It seems like everything pisses me off anymore and I can't find the time or reason to be optimistic about anything. NOTHING. What the hell?!

Well, aside from my escape plan from this accursed city that I call home right now. Fuck this place though. Just... fuck it.

For a while I was working really hard on my novel. And as I was writing it I really really liked it but when I went and read it back in its entirety, I was bored. Granted, I haven't gone back and redone it yet which is what my MO was in the beginning: to write a rough draft and then go back and insert the curveballs or whatever. Maybe when I do that, it'll be much more interesting? I'm not sure. But then again I AM the person writing it and I do know the meaning behind every little hidden thing so maybe I shouldn't sweat it too much?

I've already drank WAY too much fucking coffee for today. AHHHHHH!

Seven months I think... no sex. In a way I'm like "wow this is awesome!" and in another I'm like "fuck... I really want it." I hate being a human being. I guess if I had one goal it would be to transcend being human and have no vices or urges or instincts and just be some all powerful fucking awesome person. Hahaha... I need to ask Jim Morrison in a desert with his naked indian.

CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT! My favorite swear word. Also, the accurate descriptive word for 98% of the female population in the world. :P

I want to paint a picture. Of a naked man eating an apple but getting a spear thrown through his head and a gundam bin the background laughing at him. But penises are ugly. So I would make this man asexual. Take that fucker's pride right away from him.

I STILL believe in Harvey Dent.


I'll see you in Hell motherfucker.