You are my sunshine.

I sat on the bathroom floor, eyes swelling up with tears... but I wasn't crying. I held back.

I had a pair of shears in my hand and I was pulling at my hair, chopping it all off. I no longer felt beautiful in the eyes of anyone anymore. I would kiss you, but you wouldn't kiss me back. Rejection, and I couldn't accept it. I couldn't handle it.

In the meantime I was leaving you messages on your phone. My voice growing weaker and weaker with every one. Seventy-two missed calls.

You loved me. And I knew it. You just didn't want to show it.

But the truth is, I haven't felt beautiful since the last time you told me that I was. Not honestly anyways.

After all this time, that kiss goodbye still haunts me.

03162009

My head hurts.

Sometimes I'll post a lot of things in one day, sometimes I'll post nothing. Sometimes I just have nothing to write about. Sometimes I post old stuff that I wrote and sometimes I'll post new things. It happens I guess.

Work... I sit at work and I get everything accomplished before it needs to be done and then I'm left to just sit here and stare blankly at my screen. Thank goodness for sites like Myspace and Facebook, where I can actually have a bit of company while I'm sitting here banging my head against my desk because I can't figure out what to do.

I'm going to have a band soon. And it's going to be good... and interesting.

I'm still in my phase where I have a grudge against anything with a vagina. Like they say, and you can't blame me for this: "Don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die." I don't. Maybe eventually I will but for now I'm keeping my shit on lockdown.

It's just about time for lunch. I always write something before my lunch break. I'm anxiously waiting for the time of day when I devour a bunch of food (I don't even know what I'm having yet) and then smoke three or four cigarettes and then get back to work. Fun... fun.

I really want to move to Chicago. REALLY.

I haven't been writing a lot lately. I'm going to start two new blogs on this account: one for things that are more thoughtful and one for my acutal writing (in an artistic sense). I don't know when I'm going to do this, but I'll get to it soon.

I'm having a problem with my Zune. I keep trying to reset it to factory but when it tries to reinstall the firmware, it says it can't update it so I might be screwed but it did this before and I fixed it pretty easily so who knows right? I hate mp3 players but it's the most efficient way to bring all of your music anywhere with you, rather than say... a gigantic case of CD's.

I'll be writing more. Later. More than likely. So keep an eye out.